Mitey suckage.

Well, it's always something, isn't it?  This morning I am blogging from my bathtub while soaking in tea tree, neem, and lavender oils.  For 20 minutes.  So I've got a mug of tea and my netbook.  Why, you ask?  Let's see if I can keep this short.

Mom is in full time care in a small group home.  Since last October or November, she has had a skin rash of some sort that the doctor could not identify at first.  But she had red spots and was itchy, etc.  Her hands got especially bad -- her skin between her fingers got kind of crusty, presumably with dead skin cells.  So, for the last 4 weeks, I've been massaging healing oils into her hands and wrists when I visit.

Well, it turns out that Mom's "rash" is actually a scabies infestation.  "What's scabies?" you ask?  Well, meet Mr. or Mrs. Scabies (courtesy of Wikipedia):  

Apparently these little suckers live on humans and burrow their way into the skin (I'm guessing they eat their way in, rather than tunneling doggie-style with their hair-like extremities), lay eggs, then the eggs hatch, the larvae tunnel back out of the skin, mate with each other, rinse, repeat.  (That's a rough approximation -- apparently the females live in the burrows and the males run around on your skin.  Interesting , no?)  The process takes about 21 days, so you don't know that you have them for like 2-6 weeks.  The crawling around and the burrowing makes your skin itch.  And crawl, of course.

And here's the fun part.  They particularly like hands and the webbing between fingers and are transmitted by human contact.  Say, a hand massage?

Anyhoo, I thought I'd escaped clean, but then Monday evening, my wrists got all bitey-itchy.  And I woke up at 3 am feeling, or at least imagining that I could feel, these little suckers crawling around on me.  And I'd already washed the bedding Monday night and loaded up with tea tree oil, so I was clearly going to have to get more serious with the little buggers.  So I lost a day of work yesterday researching how to treat them, running to 3-4 different places to buy stuff to de-bug myself, my bed, my dogs, and my house.  The mattress is now sealed up in vinyl, so no bugs in or out (I should have done that years ago for my dust mite allergy anyway), the sheets, blankets, throws, pillows, the mattress, the mattress pad, and the thermal topper and its casing, were all washed in hot water and/or Borax, and/or sprayed.  The dog was sprayed and washed (she was not really happy with that process), the house was sprayed, and I was covered in stinky tea tree and/or neem oils in between soaking and scrubbing in and with neem oil.  So here I sit this morning in more tea tree and neem oils about to get out and put on more of the same.  I thought the tea tree was bad with it's heavy medicinal smell.  But the neem oil is worse -- think peanuts with garlic.  And the lavender oil doesn't help that much.  So there will be some heavy perfume spraying for -- THE NEXT 8 DAYS.  Because you've got to do this for 10 days to make sure you get them all.  Like I said, it's always something.  But I did do some yoga yesterday (after the McDonald's cheeseburger and small fries -- only 500 calories, let's not panic), so it wasn't all bad.

And, because my misery loves lots of company, here is what YOU are all sleeping with every night:

Isn't he handsome?  Kind of makes my mites look cute and cuddly. The house dust mite (sometimes referred to by allergists as HDM), is a cosmopolitan guest in human habitation. Dust mites feed on organic detritus such as flakes of shed human skin and flourish in the stable environment of dwellings. House dust mites are a common cause of asthma and allergic symptoms worldwide. Some of the gut enzymes (notably proteases) produced by the house mite persist in their fecal matter, and can be strongly allergenic.

(Thank you again, Wikipedia.org.)

And please note that the American HDM is a completely different species from the European HDM, which prefers brie, espresso, and Italian scooters.

Tomorrow:  "Insanity," the work out.  Brought to you by the infommercial I saw this morning.

Pluggin' away....

So this post is just a plug for Fit TV.  Am I the only one who knows about this channel?  I love it.  Not only do they have HOURS and HOURS of FREE workout videos all day and night, but their cooking shows are awesome!  Why, oh why, when there are such great, FREE resources available on TV and on line, would anyone trying to lose weight/get in shape ignore it all?  Why would anyone pay for Nutrisystem meals when they can learn to make quick, easy, tasty meals for a lifetime of great socializing/dining?  Not only is it cheaper, it teaches you how to live healthy for the rest of your life, AND it gives you the tools to be a social God or Goddess.  Seriously, what's not to like?  I guess people continue to believe that there is some quick or magical fix for weight loss.  (And, if you've been reading my blog for the last few months, we know there is no such thing, don't we.)  My favorite Fit TV cooking shows?   A Lyon in the Kitchen, and Just Cook This, with Sam the Cooking Guy.  Yeah, the other ones are good too, but I just like all the food these guys make and it's usually pretty easy.  And it's soooo educational.  Did you know that 1cup of whipping cream has 800 calories?  That is INSANE.  But, don't panic, you can still have that alfredo if you substitute condensed milk, which has no fat and only 200 calories.  Good information to have, yes?  Yes.  And Sam the cooking guy just made NO FAT chips for guac or salsa using wonton wrappers.  Get out of town.  Wonton wrappers?  I'm gonna have to try this.  And, just for YOU, my two loyal readers (yes, my sister and Ena -- ooh, I think I'm up to 3 with Aunt Judy), a link to Just Cook This and Sam's wonton chip instructions,  Oops -- he didn't even give a recipe for the chips and his website is Discovery Health, rather than Fit TV.  ANYway, cut the wonton wrappers in half diagonally (so they are chip shaped) and then bake on a cookie sheet (no oil or anything) at 350 until they look crispy.  Here's the link to his guac recipe, which is probably more important than the chip recipe.  http://health.discovery.com/fansites/sam-zien/recipes/guacamole.html   Pretty cool, eh?  Go forth and educate thyself.

What a performance or ten.

Well, five minutes ago, my brain was filled with blogging ideas.  Not so much now.  Sated and happy after another Sunday night of good food and good friends.  Lying in bed with methane factory disguised as toy poodle -- she ate all of Connor's food yesterday and just hasn't been the same since.  She's a cute little stink bomb.  Laughing at Role Models movie -- funnier than expected. They created the mythical country of Kiss My Anthea.  Where do I sign up?

Oh, I just remembered.  Who caught the Grammys?  Is it me, or was that some messed up shit?  You've got Pink splash spinning in an ice skating mesh suit above the stage ala Cirque du Soleil; Mary J Blige creating some seriously atonal dissonance with Andrea Bocceli (extra hard to watch -- how does that even happen, and who thought this was a good idea?  He must not have seen the rehearsal.  If there was one.), and; M&M and some guy with his pants down his thighs who "sang" some rap song I didn't hear, because the network had to BLEEP half the song, because the lyrics were that nasty.  It was just who's more freaky than the last performer.  But if you want something to talk about on Monday, the Grammys'll do it. 

I'm sure I'm huge, but don't care.  Will work out this week.

Are more attractive work-out clothes the best motivation?

So, my new skort and I biked to the downtown market with Ena this morning.  I wanted tomato plants, fab local tomales, and some cool stuff I don't need.  Check.  I got all of the above, including 4 flameworked pendants and a sling for carrying Lola ('cuz she gets frickin' heavy when I have to carry her 10-lb furry poodle butt around).  Mission accomplished.  I have to buy bananas, because the tomato guy said to put a banana peel in the bottom of the hole when I plant them (that seems unusual, doesn't it?), but it's easier than going to Home Depot for bone and blood meal.  Also biked to the bank and Skyped 45 mins of yoga with the sis.  And the skort made me look cool doin' it all.  In fact, it's possible that wearing the new skort was may favorite part of today.  Anyway, if I hadn't had 2-3 glasses of wine tonight, I think it would have been a good day for the diet.  I've kind of stopped losing weight--ouch.  Need to kick it up a notch.  More Gilad?  More time?  More everything.  So depressing -- having to do this forever.  I don't think I can even make it to 50.  Hell 48 seems impossible.  Hope to wake up with better attitude tomorrow.

Downtown booty camp out.

Okay, I went to my first boot camp-style workout with a local (meaning I didn't have to drive a 1/2 hour each way to the 'burbs) "meet up" group tonight.  I got in a good 40-minute workout (strength training stuff ala Gilad) and then made it back in time to feed and walk the doggies and have a couple glasses of wine, about 4 bowls of soup (I'ma pay for that on the scale in the AM), and Skype Project Runway with my sis (we usually watch it twice -- very sad).  So a mostly successful evening.  Except that that's my first serious workout in weeks.

Was feeling really good about my progress until I had pizza 3 times this week and then all that soup tonight.  (Although it was a really delicious home-made tater soup -- you KNOW how I love all things tater.  I left out the ENTIRE stick of butter that the recipe called for, but I think the allspice and the pepperoncinis made the soup work anyway.)  So, I backslid a little bit this week, and I'll need to do a lot more roller blading and boot camping to continue with my very SLOW weight-loss progress. 

The good news is that I got out of the house and worked out a bit.  And scoped out another nearby park (Steele Indian School) in the process--this one is newer and larger than the Marge Park (Margaret T. Hance), and has LOTS of smooth, smooth sidewalks.  And fewer full-time residents -- less "water" under the bridges, if you know what I mean (and I think you do).  So I've already suggested to Ena that we roller blade there next time.  And we haven't even checked out Encanto Park yet.  It's ancient and I don't think it has as many smooth concrete surfaces.  But still, maybe we can boot camp out there or something this spring when it's super nice.

MEANWHILE, this Saturday Ena and Mary B and I will be biking down to the Market, 'cuz I need some tomato plants for the spring.  And even if I don't burn a ton of calories, I get to wear a new skort.  So it's a win.  And don't think I've forgotten about that ballroom cardio video -- I'ma work that in somewhere soon.

Gator post:

Where do I sign up for the local Bombers roller derby team?

As threatened, and with only a short rain delay  (because it's been raining  in Biblical amounts here the last two weeks)-- roller blading in the local park. Just me, Ena, and 35% of the homeless population of downtown Phoenix.

First, because I don't think you've seen her here:  ENA!!! [Here's where I see if the new blog format works - BOOM there's the photo!  And Yes!  There it is -- the photo thing actually works and it's nice to be able to insert a photo mid-post.  It's the little things.]

Hello Ena.  Raquel Welch, watch out!  Oh yeah, she's like 70 now.  Well, either way, Ena, lookin' good!

We actually did the loop at the local park (Margaret T. Hance) like 5 times, but I kept making Ena stop for photos/play time on the play areas.  So we didn't burn as many calories as we could have, had we been serious bad asses at this blading thing, but really, I think we would have looked like idiots if we'd taken ourselves too seriously.

The only dangerous parts of the circle around the park were a few puddles and the homeless guys on bikes.  Some of these guys had mopeds -- I was jealous.  Of course, I've got a house, etc., so I shouldn't really be jealous (except that they don't have to work, so that's kind of a plus for being homeless, not to mention a lot less sh!t to worry about), but a couple of guys had a righteous electric ride goin' on -- a big improvement over the Safeway shopping cart with a bad wheel.  You know the cart I mean.  Anyway, you gotta keep your wits about you for these really athletic sporty activities.  Fortunately, we survived and might even do it again.  Shouldn't really be that hard.  And now that I've done it, I think I could pop on the skates and turn on the ipod for a few turns around the park even without Ena's moral support, not to mention her ride to the park.  But we'll see if that actually happens.  (Odds not good.  I mean, I'm not even walking around the hood by myself these days.)

So here we are attempting to prove that yes, we actually did get out and roller blade.  And, maybe we could do it again some time.  It really was easy and FUN, which was kind of the point, really. 

And, just because I took a lot of photos, I'ma stick in a few more photos to prove that we exercised AND had fun.  So it is possible.  "-)



Park statue guy.  You really don't get the full effect with just the top guy, but we needed a third.

And, here you go.  You don't wanna know what else we did with the innocent little statue.

One eleven point 6.

Who knew the New Digital even had a point 6, after all those point 8s? I still question its ability to throw out an odd "point" number. But that's very good -- I've lost almost 10 pounds since I started this gig last October. AND, I had a 110.6 over the weekend. So, I'm not dropping 10 pounds a week like I expected, but I'm losing the weight slowly and surely. I've even gone nuts and purchased skinny jeans. Possibly a mistake given my advanced years, but, if I can find big and long enough tops, you'll see part of my ass in some skinny jeans. Of course, as a hedge (and partly for workout motivation), I bought all the sweet, expensive yoga tops and pants I wanted last night from Athleta. Oh yeah -- I may not be buff, but I'ma look good sitting around watchin' TV or walkin' the doggies in my new yoga pants. Jealous much?

Sweats on ice.

Two things I love. 1 = Sweats. I don't know who invented sweats, but are they NOT the sweetest things ever? I can sit on my Gaiam balance ball chair with my legs crossed without cutting off circulation. walk the doggies, run to the grocery store, and then sit on my a$$ and watch TV and it's ALL good. Love, love, love whoever invented stretchy knits, and all the overweight Americans who have made it O.K. to wear them in public. My personal and undying thanks.

(Okay, 3 things, because I'm lovin' my ipod/music collection right now (Stuck in the Middle with You and the whole Reservoir Dogs soundtrack). I'd get up and dance, but my 4th favorite thing, my awesome wood-burning fireplace insert, is making me sweat.)

Where was I? Oh yeah -- sweats. They are FABULOUS. I'm currently enjoying black velour Nike sweats while watching figure skating (we'll get there, be patient). I thought I'd see who invented sweats, so I could see if maybe I could give him/her a hug or a handshake, or maybe just a digital pat on the back. Someone is crediting Mr. Russell for inventing the sweat top for his football-playing son in the early 20th. Didn't find anything re the bottoms, which is really the stuff that I love, because let's face it, those sweat shirts are nasty things that make women look big and beastly. Can't wear 'em in Phoenix anyway, and wouldn't want to if I could. Sorry Mr. Russell. This Wikipedia entry made me laugh and I recommend a read of the entire entry when you have a chance: "Sweatpants are an informal variety of trousers intended for comfort or athletic purposes. Many jails and juvenile institutions use sweatpants for their main uniform because of comfort and loose fitting. In the UK they are varyingly known as track suit bottoms or the more informal jogging bottoms, cottons (due to the common material used to make them being cotton), or simply trackies. In Australia and New Zealand they are known as track (or tracksuit) pants or, less formally, trakky daks. They can, in Ireland, be known as 'fatman' trousers." I knew I liked the Irish. But WTF with the "trakky daks?"

[Blog break -- worked the trackies to That's the Way Love Goes by the only relatively sane Jackson. Oops, additional break for Shining Star. Shining star for you to see-ee.... Okay, I cannot continue until I dance to Sex Bomb. Spy on me baby, use satellite.... You GO Tom. See how great the ipod is? Hot Child in the City. Why can't I just blog to my ipod all day.]

Oh yeah, and number 2 = ice skating. Yes, it's a chick thing. A winter chick thing. I hate sports, but I could watch ice skating all day. Come to my house in January or Februaruy -- we're watchin' ice skating, preferrably pairs. Not that stupid ice dancing, but pairs, where they throw each other (okay, mostly the girls) around. Although, I have to say, that I think the greatest ice skating team ever, Torvill and Dean, were ice dancers. Their 1984 Olypic performance to Bolero was the best ice skating performance ever. Burned into my psychie (sp?). [Grazin' in the Grass from Anchorman soundtrack.] Anyway, I likey the ice skating in January. And I'm looking forward to the winter Olympics, so I can watch the snow sports and the ice skating. I'm ready NBC. [Garth We Shall be Free.]

So after a deadly week of WORK, WORK, WORK, including a very FULL weekend of the same, I had a lovely dinner with my friends, three glasses of red, as much ice skating as anyone should have, and now Elvis over Yes Man with no sound, but close captioned. So life is still good. This chick in Yes Man teaches a jogging/photography class. Sign me up. Meanwhile, I'ma skate with Ena Wed. morning. That's gonna have to do it until I can develop my Bowler Skating Rink. If we're lucky I'll take some photos and it will be like a skating photography class. [Kenny Loggins, I'm All Right.]

Someone call Noah...

Because it's been raining here in the desert for 5 days straight and I'm pretty sure the Apocalypse is upon us. Seriously. WTF? The dogs and the cat and I (except for the hyper-furry Connor Dog) are all sick of the cold wet stuff and are looking forward to the return of normalcy = warm sunny days. Kind of weird that the weather has matched my mood, as I've been tied up with sucky WORK all week, and the fun continues into the weekend. But I expect the sun to shine by Monday when I will be done with this ugly deadline.

Meanwhile, who can frickin' work out when you're working 12-hour days? NOT POSSIBLE. I'm sittin' on my ass nonstop while NOT working it out. (Ironically, I did have time to read an article that came out today about how you are more likely to get sick or dead if you SIT for lots of hours at a time.) I'm gonna have to find some way to work in a little work out this weekend. That's pretty much all that will happen over the weekend -- sleeping, eating, working, visit mom, load dishwasher, and try to Skype yoga with sis or do 30 sit ups. And THAT'S my weekend. Yeah, I live a crazy exciting life. WHERE did I put my wine? Hope your weekend is more fun.

Sevens up.

Okay, I'm using the "new" blogging format. I don't know what that means, exactly, except that now I can put photos in the middle of my post, so I can mention something, then BOOM, here's the photo. I'm sure that'll happen soon. Like maybe NYE 2011. (Did you know the Harlem Globetrotters are still around? I thought they were dead. They must've gotten better.) Anyhoo, I'm updated.

I was having a minor meltdown yesterday-today, because I lost my landlines and internet access when the geniuses doing work on a nearby street cut a major phone line. OOPS. I'm so used to having internet access 24/7, that I felt like I was back in the stone age. I didn't know what to do. Had to turn on broadcast TV to get news and weather. Had NO idea who needed a big carrot for their Farm, or who wanted to give me a big digital flower or heart or whatever on Facebook. Couldn't shop for ANYTHING. Then I had to LEAVE THE HOUSE today to check my email! Shudder. Don't know if I can ever forgive them. But it did give me a chance to take in the 3 "new" pair of jeans that I bought like 4 months ago and never got hemmed. So the upside is that I got my alterations started and checked out the coffee shop with free wifi downtown. (Well, actually I checked out two coffee shops down there, because one of them had not-workingfi.) But the second one was great and I may go back and actually buy a beverage or something as payback for using their free wifi. I'm having an olfactory recollection of the place right now -- I can smell the coffee, and it smells good. Such a shame that coffee never tastes quite as excellent as it smells.

And weight loss news? Well, I can squeeze my squidge into my Sevens again. I've still got a mini-muffin going on -- wouldn't want to wear a tight shirt with them, but at least I can wear them again. That's pretty good. Some of you may recall that the fact that I muffin-topped out of my Sevens was kind of the last straw that made me realize that I was getting fat. Squeezing into the Sevens is a bit of a victory. I feel and look better, but I really need to work on building muscle now. That's my new plan -- loads of Gilad. I'ma do Gilad again in the morning. And I'll try that ballroom dance thingie this weekend or something.

Nothing's fun if you HAVE to do it -- I'm sure they're doing fun stuff in Hell. Nonstop.

I've conceived of the perfect addition to my Disney-in-the-Desert health park. In addition to the indoor ski hill, we'll have a Bowler-Skating Rink and juice bar. Oh yeah! You can cruise around on roller skates (quads, in-line, what have you, or I), and when you're tired of that, grab a red, green, or brown smoothie and sit, stand and twist yourself healthy skinny in one of our cushy, retro, orange vinyl bowling lanes. Boom. I'm set for life. And I can exercise and have FUN any time I want. God, I'm just FULL of great ideas. "I'm an idea man, Chuck." (Name that movie for bonus points.)

Okay, so I Googled [green smoothie breakfast break -- apple, banana and spinach - yum] "fun exercise." The very first article was actually very good. http://www.jonathanfields.com/blog/how-to-make-exercise-more-fun-than-sex/ If nothing else, you'll like the Schwarzenegger quote from Pumping Iron. Funexercise.net is some 10 year-old girl selling her own workout video. Odd. Basically, the idea is to play a sport, or take a dance class, or walk with your ipod. Duh. Okay, I still have issues. I wouldn't mind a dance class, or maybe karate or something. But, again, it's all about time. Is there one near my home? How much time do I spend changing into appropriate clothing and driving there and back, etc.? Maybe I should start close to home -- maybe I should see what goes on in Encanto Park, which is near my home. Maybe there is something going on there that would work. The search continues.

"Fun exercise" -- an oxymoron?

One eleven point eight (the New Digital loves point 8)!!! 111.8!! Of course, that could be wrong -- I didn't do a second weigh-in to double check it. I'ma let myself just be happy today. At this rate, assuming the number is correct, one more good cold and I'm down to 110, maybe even 108. Now 105 may be reachable. It's NOT just a dream!! [Ooops -- commercial break is over -- gotta go do more Gilad.]

Decided to do Gilad in real time this morning, i.e., when it's actually on TV. It's rare that all the animals are fed and walked in time for me to do Gilad. But it's raining today, so they aren't getting a walk. At least not yet. And since I was up and dressed and the animals were all sedated by breakfast, I got to work out with Gilad. So that's good -- bonus points for me on a rainy Monday morning -- I've already worked out and built muscle and gotten my heart rate up for the day. But mostly, I've now got permission to sit on the couch tonight. Ha!!!

[BloGoogle break.] Googled "best workout for middle age women." Just lots of stuff I already know about how exercise is good for you and you have to keep doin' it forever. I need to find something FUN to do at least three times a week. Like a dance class or something. What can I do that involves exercise and gives me a good workout, but is still fun? Well, you think about that, and I'll brainstorm here at my end. I've still got several new Gilad videos to try, plus a Dance with Julianne Cardio Ballroom video. Don't ask. Seemed like a good idea at the time. Maybe I'll try it this week. And I can always rollerblade more. I took Lola for a trot around the 'hood on Saturday on my in-line skates. No injuries, but I still look like an idiot. And idiocy loves company, so come on Ena, get over that whole "I just ran a marathon and I deserve a break" thing, and let's roll!

All right, I've clearly Googled the wrong thing -- next post: I'ma Google "fun exercise."

Life is short. Eat the cookie and take a blog break. I did.

Right now, I'm wasting time blogging, when I need to be working. But I'm in a creative mood. [Writer's block moment.] Okay, apparently I'm not. Apparently, I just don't want to work, 'cuz I've got nothin' to say.

But I was 113 this morning. Holding steady at a decent weight -- not skinny, not buff, but at least I'm not sausage-stuffed into my clothes like I was a few months ago. I've done 2 strength training workouts this week. And I'm eating like 5 calories a day. (Mostly. Every once in a while I go insane and stuff bad things in my mouth -- like a giant, delicious, cc cookie yesterday. But I deserved that.) And I've got new work out DVDs -- Gilad up the wazoo. And, when Ena gets done showing off with her little "marathon" thingie, we're gonna maybe skate or something. I almost ordered some Landroller skates (the ones the Dog Whisperer wears). But for $200 I think they should make my size. I'm a 5.5 or 36 EU and they start at 6/37, which is really a 6.5. So, rather than stuff the things with insoles and thick socks and whatnot, I think I'll wait for the children's version of these things, which, I am told, is being "rolled out" (thank you very much) this year.

Gotta go. New patio furniture arrives today, so I'm planning another break later.

Deadlines and bottom lines. And Squidge Be Gone.

Okay, yesterday I had a deadline that didn't allow me time to workout (or anything else). I've got another one today, but I don't think it will be that bad, so I'm going to jump on the scale (oops -- should have done that BEFORE breakfast) and then try one of my new Express Workouts from Gilad, the Israeli stud muffin. Good News: even in full PJs, LARGE watch (it's at least a pound), and with a mug of tea, two pieces of toast and an egg, I'm only 112.6! That's good. So if I keep up the work outs and sensible starvation, I should make 110 within say, 6 months. Yes, I'm kidding. But I was so overly optimistic at the beginning of this deal, that I don't want to set any more deadlines I can't make. I'd still like to get back to my old fighting weight of 105, but I'll be okay with 110 if I can make all 110 a bit more solid. Ooooh -- just thought of a great name for my new weight-loss program: "Squidge Be Gone." Like it? LOVE IT! Don't steal it anyone, I thought of it first.

So, I'd better go work on it for 1/2 hour before I get started on that deadline.

Oh crap, I think it's menofat.

Not that it makes that much difference -- I mean belly fat, is belly fat, right? Well, yes and no. According to someone at http://healthwellnesspost.com/menopot-fat-vs-visceral-fat.htm you can have visceral fat under the abs, or you can have what I'm calling menofat, (aka the "menopot") on top of the ab muscles (assuming muscles there be). According to these guys, "It is quite common for women to gain 3-5 pounds of menopot fat around the belly as they reach perimenopause...." Ouch. Am I perimeno pausing? Let's see. [BloGoogle.] According to the Mayo Clinic: "Perimenopause encompasses the years leading up to menopause — anywhere from two to eight years — plus the first year after your final period. It's a natural part of aging that signals the ending of your reproductive years." Usually in the 40s, sometimes in the 30s. Yep, I'm guessing I'm perimeno. It's just always good news, isn't it?

And while I'm cranky, let's talk about scams and motivation, shall we? First the scam. Remember those Avesil pills I bought? Was supposed to be a 30-day supply for only S&H. Great. Fine. I'm willing to try it. But when I got home today, I was surprised by another giant 30-day-supply bottle along with an invoice. For $95.90. Really? $95.90 you rip off artists? AND, they're going to send me another bottle every month. How convenient. Are you feeling the sarcasm and anger here? So naturally I call them up to cancel whatever they've signed me up for and find out how to return the second giant bottle that I don't want. After trying to talk me out of cancelling, they reluctantly cancel the "account" that I didn't know I had. But no matter how many times I explained to them that I did not order, and I do not want, the second bottle, and I would be happy to return it, they refused to accept any return, or refund my $95.90. I got so mad I told them I wasn't paying and hung up. We'll see if I have the energy to follow through. Meanwhile, what reputable company does that? Sends you an un-requested $95.90 item and then refuses to accept any return? No reputable company does that. I had a similar experience with some cosmetic company a few years ago, but at least they gave me the refund. So, in summary: Avesil = total BS scam. Don't fall into their "trial bottle" trap, no matter how funny you think it might be to blog about your Avesil adventures. And if anyone wants a pill or twenty, I'll give you a good price.

Now for the motivation. I had brunch this morning in the Denver airport -- some Mexican grill. Hard to go wrong with beans and rice and cheese. Right? Unless, of course, you eat the entire "grande" burrito that is about the size and weight of a grown man's head. I didn't see any "poquito" [Google says it's really "pequeno"] burrito, or even a "mediano" on the menu -- they were just crankin' out the grandes Ford/Subway assembly-line style. I tried to be good, but they didn't sell anything poco or pequeno, so I just had healthy stuff in it and didn't eat the whole thing. But hey, the little group that sat down next to me at 10 am had NO problemo with the enormous portion sizes. Two out of three (coincidentally matching the national American obesity ratio) were decidedly obese. The woman right next to me was so overweight that she had trouble breathing. So while I watched her inhale a gigante Mexican "salad" in ten shades of not-verde, I also got to listen to her inhale, or try to inhale, oxygen to keep her diabetic, or soon-to-be-diabetic, body alive. If they'd gotten to the table earlier, I might not have been hungry at all. So there's the motivation -- I don't ever want to be the fat woman trying to inhale oxygen and Mexican food simultaneously. And I don't really want to eat by her again either. (Or maybe I do, if it will make me eat less. Hmmmmmm.)

Anyway, it's great to be home ($96 worth of Avesil notwithstanding), and I'm thinking a little bit of yoga might be just the thing for my sore ski legs, my fight with menofat and Avesil, and diabetes prevention.

The squidge is strong in this one.

Well, I've skied for 5 days straight, burning more than 2000 calories per ski day. How is it that I feel squidgier than ever? I've said it before -- this whole getting-in-shape thing is very difficult. But I'm kind of feeling like, once my knees recover, I've jump started my work outs back home, right? I can get right into bustin' some squidge when I get home. Plus I've got some new Gilad videos that should have arrived by now. And I'm almost convinced (by the round-the-clock infomercial in my hotel room) that I need to buy the PX90 system. That promises to whip my ass and everything else into rock-hard shape in 90 days. I guess the trick is that you actually have to do it/work out every day. Or almost every day. There's always a catch. Sigh.

Well, I'd better dump this computer in my room so I can go have a SUPER HEALTHY LOW CALORIE dinner in Vail. Tomorrow (or sometime soon): I look up the term "menopot."

Interesting developments.

So, they need to build a ski area with no lift lines and great snow right outside Phoenix, so I can work out. How about one of those little, no BIG, fake ski hills inside a big building, like in Dubai? http://www.destination360.com/middle-east/united-arab-emirates/dubai-ski And they've apparently got one in Leeds, England as well. How cool (pun intended)would it be to build an indoor ski area in Phoenix? How sweet would that be when it's 115 in August? Well it would be SWEEE-EEET.

But since that isn't likely to happen (unless I can get a bunch of crazy investors -- Rich Skiers from Phoenix Unite!), I'll just have to continue going skiing a few times a year for as long as my knees last. And they are sore. I'm popping Aleve round the clock. But I've burned a ton of calories -- I ski about 4-5 hours a day and should burn 1789 in 4 hours. And I managed to have only ONE dinner last night, so that's excellent. Gonna be hard to go home and burn that many calories doing anything else. Doesn't help that I don't have 4 hours a day to work out. Have tried roller blading, but I kind of suck at it and I look ridiculous even before I plunge to the concrete waving my arms wildly. Am considering looking for a roller rink -- I'd join a ladies Roller Ball pack, but I think I'm more of an "Okay, it's time to skate backwards" kind of skater. [Internet search break.] Well, I just looked it up, and, of course, there is no rink in Phoenix -- only in the burbs, and I'm not likely to go to Chandler or Mesa to skate. Possibly Glendale. But not more than once every few months. Or years. Maybe for my next birthday, I'll make everyone go to a roller rink. That could be fun. Meanwhile, I'll have to look into developing a roller rink to go with my new ski hill -- maybe a companion development. And if that works out, I'll develop the whole thing into an enormous, healthy amusement park -- Disney in the Desert. Start thinking of what my mascot could be -- the mouse is taken.

Winter wonderskiland.

Frozen tundra ain't all bad when you turn it into a super-expensive ski resort. Cha-ching! Am feeling good about getting HOURS of exercise per day here in Vail (my quads are working overtime), but there are some issues. First, my gut blew up like a bag of Cheetos taken rapidly from sea level to 10,000 feet, which is basically what happened when I came up here yesterday. I think I'm over that now, but they are feeding us good food at this seminar and then my ski pal wants to go out and have another dinner. Rut-roh. Shouldn't have had the tasty burrito before the seminar started. Now I have to have salad for dinner.

Anyway, I'd piss and moan about the TSA and getting my thighs grabbed because I dared to wear a skirt to the airport, but I think we'll leave tonight on a happier note. At least all my stuff got here. Gotta go watch a presentation on the many ways I can get killed skiing and how my survivors can sue. Enjoy your evening.

P.S. The Marriott's room and my private fireplace are so lovely and snuggly that I never want to leave, so I put on my jammies about 8 and snuggle in. Unfortunately, the only wifi is in the lobby, so it's kind of cramping my casual blogging style. Pretty sure they don't want to see me down here in my sleep pants and slipper socks. So I'm doing blogging lite. Only during daylight non-jammied hours. Gotta go snuggle up.

What? No photo from Cody yet?

Well, here's one I DID have on my computer from NYE. And since Cody had the nerve to point out his omission in the first place and then didn't email a replacement photo PROMPTLY, I am punishing him with this one, which I like A LOT.


And then I went and downloaded more photos from Cody's Wag's album instead of getting some much-needed sleep, so here are a few more (Cody portrait, my editorial on Cody, revised 9 Guy shot, and Tim and I laughing after trying to look romantic), you Whiney Freak.

Sayonara sunshine!

So, I'm packing for a trip to Vail for a CLE seminar disguised as a ski trip. And I look up the weather in Vail. Holy sh!t! The rest of the country is apparently freezing. In fact Vail is pretty mild at 20-30 degrees. So I'm packing for the frozen tundra of the Arctic (which, by the way, is impossible to do and stay within the poundage and baggage limits that the freakin' airlines are imposing these days, plus I'm already paying extra for the skis) and planning on shivering off a pound or two. New Dog (now named: Lola, L-O-L-A, Lo-la, L-O-L-A, Lo-la-a, which I THOUGHT was Clapton, but is actually Kinks) doesn't know I'm leaving yet. Don't tell her. I've got a dog/house sitter. Didn't even ask the price, because there would be no point. I'm payin' it. Just like I'm payin' whatever it costs to park at the airport. Sigh.

Meanwhile, Cody advises that I have posted a photo that includes our waitress, Maria, and NOT all nine o' my guys. Hint, hint, wink, wink. Yes, Cody, I accidentally posted a photo that didn't include YOU, which is the only reason you read my blog -- you must have been pretty pissed. SO, here it is. [I'm inserting the Cody-inclusive photo now. Crap. Have to go to OTHER computer to get the photo to email to myself so I can uplo....I'll just add the photo from the other computer in a minute.] Geez-us, it's so hard to have friends.

Rut-roh, Cody -- I think I didn't download the ones that Maria took, because she took them from too far away -- so it's a tribute to your photography skills that you are not in the ones I downloaded. So email me a good photo with you in it, if there is such a thing.

It's a big fat new year!

Okay, have recovered sufficiently to blog a proper post-NYE post. And, in honor of the new year and my kind of pathetic mix of old photos, I've called Cody to insist on the NYE photos. So those will be coming soon to a computer near you. Now if I could only figure out how to use the "new" blogging format on this website -- I actually haven't tried it yet, just because I'm scared that something will get messed up. It hasn't been a good month for computers and I.

After the NY-morning victory on the New Digital, I sabotaged my own ass with a Blue Box, but used coconut oil instead of butter, and only half as much, so it was healthier. (Look it up -- coconut oil is actually used by body builders and for weight loss -- the medium chain triglycerides (sp?) get burned up, while the LCTs in, say, BUTTER, stick around and clog your arteries and make you fat and dead. So butter = way tasty, but potentially lethal. Did I mention WAY TASTY? Coconut oil = almost as tasty when sauteing anything, and actually good for you. Great for your skin too. 'Nother story.) And then yesterday, I was enjoying the only real relaxation I've had during the crazy holiday season that began October 1, and decided to cook yummy soup, yummy yams, and yummy sausage/onion/celery saute. And then, of course, there was a lot of eating. So not the best weekend calorie-wise. But next week I'm skiing for 4 or 5 days. So who cares.

Speaking of caring, I am having a lingering mixed reaction to my Season 3 TBL NYD marathon. On the one hand, I am impressed, moved, motivated, all that stuff, by the hard work and the results achieved by these obese and morbidly obese individuals. On the other hand, it makes me feel like I'm really fine in comparison, so maybe I should just kick back and relax with my little squidge -- maybe take it out for dinner now and then. Plus I'm a bit cynical/disgusted that it took television fame, several months off at a camp where they're FORCED to eat right and work out, and the lure of 1/4 mill. to actually do what they should have been doing all along. Very sad. Especially when I found out that the Season 3 WINNER, Erik Chopin (no relation), who lost like 200 pounds, actually gained ALMOST ALL of it back. You should have seen this guy (well, some of you probably did) -- he went from scary enormous kind of guy that gets buried in a piano crate, to a really healthy, not to mention, hot-lookin' guy. And then, after the show was over and the money came in -- boom. Right back to Big Boy. But he's workin' it -- appears to be making a whole career out of getting unpardonably fat, getting skinny, losing control again, and trying to get skinny again -- he's got his own website (natch), does motivational speaking, and has a documentary of his struggle coming out in a week or two. (Okay, you know I'ma watch it.)

Anyway, I think it's awesome that he worked so hard and lost the weight. I think the show is good, because it demonstrates that anyone can lose the weight with diet and exercise if they really work at it. (Does anyone buy that "glandular problem" any more?) Also demonstrates that Americans eat crap and have no idea what they should eat. But, here comes that other hand, all of the information you need to eat right and exercise is readily available all over the internet. Not rocket science. I should write a diet book -- one sentence -- "Burn more calories than you consume, genius." Done. And my own postscript: "QUIT EATING SHIT!" P.P.S.: "QUIT EATING SO MUCH SHIT!" Really people, did you NOT hear this the first 50,000 times?

Okay, I'm mostly done bitching. That wasn't my intent, but the real turmoil kind of pours out when I start hitting the little netbook keys. Plus, I'm killing time waiting for the NYE photos -- WhereTH are they Cody?

Finally! Here's to 2010 and brand new photos: fake boyfriend/husband Tim and I (same photo we've taken for like 4 years now), HNY toast, and the entire group -- yes, it's me with 9 guys. Aren't they adorable? I'll have to post some Sunday night photos for balance. Love, love -- will try to put some on FB too.

Happy new year fiasco resolution!

I'm pretty sure no one noticed that I wasn't blogging. Several things were going on -- lots of work; lots of holiday stuff, and; lots of frustrating/stressful computer cock ups. My office computer died a couple weeks ago in the middle of my illness. It took over a week to get another computer set up that I can work comfortably with. And that left me with only the netbook to use for checking email and blogging in my bed, the bath, whatever. So two days ago, the whole netbook just went completely WACKED on me -- the keyboard wouldn't work at all - so I couldn't type in anything, like, oh, an email, or a URL, or a search for something I NEED on Amazon -- nothing. So I gave up and set it aside. The typing magically came back after being left alone for a day (what do you suppose my computer does when I'm not looking?), but then I couldn't open Internet Explorer to get on the internet and blog and buy and buy and blog. NOT good. So after roughly 27 (thousand) restarts and lots of frustration, I found out I could download Firefox for FREE (gotta love it) and, VOILA! I'm back in internet blogging and buying business. Yeah! Imagine the Hallelujah Chorus and all the lights ablaze with Chevy Chase on my front lawn. Happy, happy. Was afraid the big W would be necessary -- you know, the Warranty thing.

Anyway, so now I'm blogging from bed once again as I recover from NYE. Totally fun night out with the boys, but had that one glass of wine at the end that I shouldn't have had and am very happy to do not-a-lot today. I did weigh myself for the first time in a few days. And at first, I was crazy ecstatic -- 110.8!!! Really -- that was insanely good and almost my goal of 110. Until I went back to the New Digital 8 minutes later and got a 112.8. Twice. Frickin' messed up digital piece of....

So I'm up .8 from my sick-bed low, but that was after an indulgent night of eating and drinking -- doesn't get much more decadent than NYE. Except for every Sunday night with my 'neighblers. But other than that....

I cannot finish this blog without making the traditional new year's resolution. In 2010, I will:

Not have any more blue box deliciousness after the one I made today. Oops. But hey, it's a holiday.

P.S. Is it hypocritical to eat my favorite high-cal Blue Box lunch while blogging about losing weight and watching The Biggest Loser marathon?

Because it would have been a slap in Baby Jesus' new-born face not to celebrate with some good eats. Maybe Easter?

Well, Christmas has come and gone and I'm not quite 105, or even 110. But I did get pretty close at 112, thanks to a severe cold or flu-type thingie. Thank the Baby Jesus that I've already given myself an extension to the 12th of Never to meet my real goal. I haven't weighed myself in a couple of days, but I'm pretty sure that I've regained the four pounds I lost being sick -- got the appetite back and am still chowing on those little cherry cordial-flavored Kisses (Kurse you Hersheys), plus Christmas Eve, and Day, and Weekend were all quite tasty.

So what now? You don't think I'ma quit now do you? Not when I can continue to vent my every emotion on this blog, I'm not. So the battle of Squidge Ridge continues with some successes and failures along the way. On the whole, I feel and look better than I did when I started this in October -- my muffin top is considerably less muffiny than it was. I'm more of a mini-muffin now.

This week's weight loss plan? Well, so far, I walked 40 minutes on Sunday thanks to Mary B (because I would've stayed in front of the new outdoor fireplace with that glass of wine if she hadn't called), and I've walked to Mary J's house twice today, because I'm obssessed with her fire pit and want to get someone to make me one like it -- I'd walk ten miles for a new somethin-somethin that I want, but won't budge to save my own fat ass. Beyond that? Hmmm. Gonna see some friends tonight and eat/drink and watch a movie. Not so good. Maybe I can do some sit ups or something? I'll work on it. Meanwhile, I may take another Avesil. I couldn't discover their secret ingredient(s), but it does seem to decrease my appetite without bouncing me off the walls. Should have taken some last night before the potluck-fest that included bacon and cheese and all my favorite stuff. Oh, you evil friends, I love you.

Okay, Just took an Avesil with two cordial-Kisses. In case I lose my appetite for them later.

Am I alone here?

Or shouldn't drivers have to NOT be assholes on holidays and holiday-eves? I had to secretly flip off two drivers on my way to get firewood today.

And is it just me, or do other people find it hard to pick gifts for others? Because I don't know what YOU like, but I definitely know what I like, and I'll take two, please. And then when I get a good gift for someone else, I don't want to give it up. I go all Gollum in my head -- "Tracy WANTS the gift. HE/SHE won't like the gift. Tracy NEEEEEEDS it. Tracy should KEEEEEEEP it." Jeri, I know you don't read my blog, so I'm safe in saying, you didn't really want the glass storage containers with cute green lids, and you won't miss them. Now where will I put them?

Gotta run again, 'cuz I have to hit the bank, come up with gifts for some people I forgot I was seeing tonight, and shower and stuff in about 3 hours. I'll be late as usual. MERRY CHRISTMAS EVE YOU PEOPLE!!!

Baby steps and baby candy bars....

First of all --Woo Hoo -- 112!!!! Can I get an AMEN? Oh, yeah, laying in bed, eating chocolates, then working round the clock and eating an all leftover-roasted-sweet-potato diet did the trick. (Who, besides Ena, knew that you could lose 4 pounds of just snot?) So all the workin' out stuff? Crap. Speaking of stinking, I've got to go -- the 10th Circuit needs their 60-something page frickin' brief, and I've got to lose 785 words. On the up side, I was more than 4000 words over the limit yesterday. Which is tougher -- losing weight, or losing words? Hard to say. At least I can get rid of the words faster.

Ho, Ho, Ho!

You know that saying about being sick and tired of being sick and tired?

I'm kinda' there. But not too bad -- am getting over the cold/flu/whatever badness that was, except that the snot and clogged ears linger and I'm stressing over a potential right ear infection. Health-wise things are generally improved and I'm sure I'll regain that 3 pounds within a couple of days, especially since I'm REALLY busy with work right now (duh, I'm behind like a week and have a major deadline before Christmas). Haven't even had a long walk since Thanksgiving. Ouch, the Fat is just hanging on the couch eating chips and candy bars. Oh wait, that's me. Dang. Will someone let me know if I start to look like Jaba the Hut from Star Wars? Or Pizza the Hut from Space Balls? Can anyone say New Year's resolution? I'm so beyond my second deadline already. It's totally sad, but not the least bit surprising. Blog you before Christmas.

Zip-a-dee-Doo-Dah...!

113. Seriously. Just get the flu. Wow, I lost 3 whole pounds just by getting sick and turning all my extra fluids into mucus that could be blown out or choked up! Easy-peasy.

So that went well. I got out of bed, and actually made the bed (to prevent any return) and put on sweats today. I did this because I need to work -- I'm like a week and a half behind. So, even though I still feel 70-80% crappy, I'm not dead, and I headed to work. Off I go to my office 30 feet away from my bedroom, and the office computer is dead. Well, fortunately, it was just the monitor, and I've seen this before, so I had a separate monitor in stock. But the whole dead-computer thing required moving all my office files. I wish I could explain to myself, let alone to the rest of the world, how it took me ALL day and half the night to transfer those files. And get the software working on the other computer. Of course I did have to call some IT help to figure out how to get the monitor to work with the dead/blank computer. And then I had to go get new software so that the files would actually work on my other computer. You know, it's not one thing, it's ten or twenty.

But the other computer is up and running and I have no excuse not to be working tomorrow. Plus I've updated/upgraded some stuff -- all good. You've got to check out the latest version of iTunes -- it's got a Home Sharing thing that would have saved my butt years earlier. And lots of cool new features. If my computers didn't go bad every couple of years I'm sure I'd never get stuff updated. But I'm just rambling about nothing now, more than usual even, so I'ma go.

P.S. I plan on feeling well enough for a walk tomorrow.

Notch THIS, Theraflu!

Are the Theraflu people tryin' to piss me off? Cuz I am NOT in the mood. Their "delicious" mucus tea (THEY call it Flu & Chest Congestion, and it tastes nothing like any natural citrus I've ever had, BTW), comes in little foil pouches that you can supposedly open by folding down one corner and then ripping across from some non-existent notch. Supposedly. Okay, I can fold down the corner. I can see the little indentation that is their idea of a notch. But it kind of falls apart from there. I folded and ripped and pulled and tugged with my fingers, and then went right to the traditional act of desperation -- the final step before breaking down and admitting you have to cross the room for some scissors -- ripping at it with my teeth. Nada. I've only tried to open 2 pouches so far, but I'm 0 for 2 on the corner notch thing and I've put a pair of scissors by the microwave. Theraflu: it is NOT nice to mess with sick people. Just put a decent notch in the side of the pouches and let's move on.

So obviously being ill has put a crimp into my little diet/exercise experiment and Christmas is not looking good for invisibility. Being sick's a great excuse to not workout and to eat chocolate and potato chips. But let's be honest, I haven't been doing much since Boot Camp before Thanksgiving. So I think I'm pretty much screwed until 2010. The good news, however, is that I've found a boot camp workout group in my own neighborhood, that works out in the evening (not some ridiculous time in the middle of the night or the middle of the work day), and it doesn't cost a penny.
Yes. So as soon as I'm feeling better and I have some time, I'ma exercise with strangers close to home. Just as soon as I feel better.

Man Down! Man Down!

Okay, I cannot believe the VOLUME of mucus that my one little head, my lungs, and my sinus system can produce and spew. I'm sure if I wasn't blowing and hacking and rinsing every minute day and night, my whole head would have exploded by now. And this isn't even the flu. It's just some stupid cold or bug or whatever. But I got some antibiotics on board this morning, and I'm predicting a slight recovery by tomorrow.

I soldiered through most of the weekend, because it's Christmas, damn it, and shit has to happen. But when I woke up dead this morning and looked at the reality of actually WORKING, I caved and took the antibiotic and some Progresso chicken soup (thank God I bought a case at Costco the other day) and went to bed. And, although I've had brief bouts with the computer/office today, I just was not functional.

And this whole being sick deal might have been a good weight loss technique, were it not for the DIABOLICAL chocolate/candy manufacturers. Hershey's has gone NUTS with the little Kiss. It's not just about holiday-colored foil any more -- they've got candy cane kisses, caramel, almond, dark chocolate, and, my personal fave/new addication, the cherry cordial. OMG, they're just like those cherry cordials I used to sneak at the holidays, but I can eat them in one bite without oozing the center goo all over myself. And then the candy bar people -- who is that Mars? -- they've got these little baby one-bite holiday candy bars that I had to get. And since no one's trick or treatin' for Christmas, guess who's eating most of these things? Yes, when you're really sick, chocolate seems like a good idea.

Next weekend though, I'm right back at it. Mostly. Probably.

Well, they can't all be winners. (Bad Santa.)

So I'm driving home from the annual holiday double feature (The Ref and Badder Santa) and two jackoffs are driving tandem on 7th Avenue at like 35 mph -- the guy on the right is going annoyingly slow and the guy on the left is weaving back and forth all over his lane -- and I'm thinkin', "Shit, we can't ALL be drunk." And I pull into my driveway (finally) and I immediately hear barking from my bay window. Shit. Shit. I know it's not Connor, since he hasn't heard my car pull up for at least two years. And I was hoping it wouldn't be New Dog, because I drew the curtains to keep her out and preserve the Christmas trees and ornaments. Okay, so she understands that she can get in between the drapes even though there are two layers that overlap in the middle. Dang, girl. (She IS pretty smart.) And seriously, did she lie there for 4.5 hours waiting for me to come home? Get a life.

But I think the worst part was the wet spot on the living room rug. When is that F-ing crate arriving? I think she gets so stressed that she drinks a ton of water and then loses bladder control in the excitement of my absence or return or something. Thank God I don't really have to go anywhere for a few days.

And I have a headache from coughing. I cannot wait to go to bed. Yes, I have a cold or virus or something -- I'm temporarily Phlegmish. The queen of Phlegm, in fact, which is why I haven't been blogging. I feel like dirt. Worse than dirt. Walking dirt. But Christmas is coming and I've got shit to do. Today was all about office gifts -- got them pretty much done. Tomorrow is all about getting the cards out, which for me is a huge deal -- we're talking photo holiday cards with me and the critters (I like photos and think they're mandatory for holiday cards), plus last year's Thank You cards that I forgot to send out because I had the flu, plus the Christmas letter, plus the Christmas song/poem, and some extra photos, and then that all gets stuffed into an envelope and mailed to 100 people. Tomorrow, I hope. In between cleaning the kitchen, cutting mom's hair and making jambalaya for 8. Gotta LOVE the holidays. The upside? I'm sick, baby, I don't have t' work out.