The late holiday edition.

Yes, for posterity and mostly my own personal blog book, here is the holiday letter.

     Holy Holiday Hijacking!

    (An expanded, educational epistle.)

First up this year: The pagan origins of Christmas, or Xmas (the “X” is apparently from the Roman abbreviation for Christ, because the X was the “chi” sound).  The Xians actually STOLE this holiday from the pagans, and made it all about the Baby J.  Well, I’m shocked.  The truth is, no one knows what day Jesus of Nazareth (no one had last names, because I assume there was only one Jesus, or Bob, per town back then) was born.  Most historians believe he was probably born in September.  So why do we celebrate his “birthday,” on December 25?  And what’s with the partying and gifts and whatnot?  Well, THANK YOU pagans. 

In ancient Babylon, the feast of the Son of Isis (Goddess of Nature) was celebrated on December 25, and has been described as “raucous partying, gluttonous eating and drinking, and gift-giving.”  (Sound familiar?)  In Rome, “Saturnalia” was introduced around 217 BC to raise citizen morale after a crushing military defeat by the Carthaginians.  Originally celebrated for one day, on December 17, it grew into a week-long extravaganza.  (SaturnPalooza – a House of Geldorf production.)  The festival included good stuff like a school holiday, gambling, sacrifices (as you do), naked singing in the streets (that’s still a normal Friday night in some places), and role reversal for the slaves (although apparently they had to make their own feast AND the feast for their masters – so not that great for the slaves).  Augustus  tried to reduce the celebration to three days, and Caligula to five.  (Really? I thought Caligula loved a good party!)  These attempts caused uproar and massive revolts among the Roman citizens.  (Duh.)  The customary greeting for the occasion was "Io, Saturnalia!" — Io (pronounced "e-o") being a Latin interjection related to "ho," as in "Ho, praise to Saturn."  But I like to think of it as an early “Yo,” as in “Yo!  What up, Saturnalia?!”

In 350, Pope Julius I declared that Christ's birth would be celebrated on December 25, and there is little doubt that he was trying to make it as painless as possible for pagan Romans (a majority at that time) to convert to Christianity.  The earliest Christmas holidays were apparently celebrated by drinking, sexual indulgence, singing naked in the streets, etc.  So all the good parts of Christmas – the parties, gifts, tree (brought inside by the pagans in winter), etc. were all pagan traditions.  Io Saturnalia!  I can finally get behind this holiday!  Where do I sign up for naked caroling?  (Maybe not in Minnesota.)  And what would be the appropriate dress for a modern sacrificial gig?  I bet you could probably get away with a Frosty sweatshirt or some Christmas tree socks.  Next year: who wore the first tacky holiday sweater?

So 2011 was the year I came back to camping.  It’s been a while (30+ years is a while) since I lit my Buddy Burner and fried an egg on a coffee can with the Troop at Camp Timberlake.  But now I’m an adult that can afford to buy heaters, stoves, air beds and larger-than-necessary tents (6-8-man tent = moi plus 2 dogs).  And, except for one excruciating experience at camp Blow-My-Ass-Across-the-Hot-Desert, it was going pretty well.  I’m gettin’ back to nature, doin’ yoga with a view, kayaking on gorgeous lakes....and then the Connor dog collapses!  Just drops dead at my feet as we’re leaving Woods Canyon Lake (yeah, that’s a lot of geography for one spot, but that’s what it’s called).  So I’m thinking my beloved Connor Dog has gone to the little dog park in the sky (he’s afraid of big dogs).  Not much I can do, but give him a little mouth-to-muzzle.  And, Io Saturnalia!, it worked!  Connor came back to life.  Turns out he has PAH and an enlarged heart, so despite healthy doses of doggie Viagra (vasodilator, it’s not half as creepy as it sounds), he still passes out at altitude.  And even at home lately.  Scares the heck out of me, but now I just go, “Oh, time to blow air up the dog’s nose!”  Despite the PAH, debilitating arthritis, near total blindness, and 18+ years, Connor’s still loving life.  He steals any food within reach (the nose still works), and if there’s any badness (e.g., ripped up trash bag with disgusting goo all over my wool rug), it was Connor (even though I usually find Lola in the middle of the mess).

Lola (dubbed “Loca Lola” by a tree trimmer, and “Killer” by the groomers at Wag N Wash) doesn’t half mind camping.  She doesn’t love it, but she has a great fear that I will someday go somewhere without her poodley self.  Not likely.  What would I do without the personal poodle police?  With Lola, we’re always at Threat Level Red, DEFCON 1, aka GRRRRR!  Let’s just say Lola would push The Button if someone looked at her funny.  Or just looked funny...or normal.  And Bella, my backyard cat-who-comes-in-to-snuggle-on-cold-mornings, remains afraid to fully commit to living in the house with us.  But I’m trying to turn her with some expensive cat food.  Bella likey.  Purrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.

ZZZZZZZ(just demarcating the boring part)ZZZZZ...And what would YOUR holiday be without a big dose of MY continuing health problems?  This year, we have a better understanding and management of the various itchy rashes, insomnia, rhinitis, fatigue, etc. that have plagued me for years.  After MUCH midnight research (don’t get me started on how useless allergists and dermatologists are in dealing with atopy – “Would you like more antihistamines?  Or a nice steroid shot in the ass?  We can do both.”), I discovered that my atopic dermatitis is caused by a genetic defect in filaggrin production (long technical story) that results in a defective skin barrier.  This, it turns out, can be substantially ameliorated with an inexpensive, but specifically-engineered, OTC cream.  (I had tried every anti-itch lotion and cream known to man and Walgreen’s, and was using the $60 co-pay Protopic, none of which touched the problem.)  So skin barrier problem managed.  Check.  Try CeraVe – I need to keep them in business long-term.

I knew that a food allergy was also likely with the atopy, and more research revealed a blood test to diagnose IgG-mediated (delayed onset) food allergies.  Long story short, blood testing revealed allergy to dairy, egg, and wheat.  So now I’m a Vegan who eats meat (TG for bacon), but not wheat.  Which has happily resolved most of my itchy rashes, my allergic rhinitis (incredible, since I’ve had “hay fever” and sinuses full of mucus since childhood), and (bonus) my middle-aged squidge.  I not only began sleeping, breathing, and wearing skirts for the first time in years, I immediately lost all the weight that I could not lose no matter how little I ate and how much I “Brought It” with P90X.  Losing almost 20 pounds killed my blog about losing 10 pounds of mid-life squidge.  (Eh.)  SO, the boring health news is GOOD news this year.  Well, except for my bunions.  But even I don’t care about the bunions.  Bunions be DAMNED, I can breathe and sleep again!

Next year?  I won’t pester you with Linus Pauling and Vitamin C, but please prepare yourselves by reading up on how bad sugar is for you.  I started with Suicide by Sugar.  And let me just put it out there for everyone: wheat and dairy aren’t really good for you (gasp!), and calcium is easy to come by in greens (Oh no, she di-n’t!).  Got kale?  When was the last time you had a vegetable?  Eat your broccoli.  And try some quinoa (even quinoa pasta is readily available) and maybe almond or coconut milk, and Earth Balance instead of butter.  Does a body good....ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

So that’s it.  There was an Omenesque fly infestation in the kitchen (check the blog for the gory details), I opened up the living/dining room wall this week (they are weaving my wood floors back together as I type this), my urban orchard is expanding to 15 fruit and nut trees, and I’m still hosting potluck dinners every Sunday.  Life rolls on with some bumps and curves, but basically, life is good and I am fortunate to have decent health and even decenter friends.  Hope this letter finds you and yours happy and healthy, now and through the 2012 apocalypse – good luck with that.

                                Io Saturnalia!

                                

                                Tracy, Connor, Lola, and Bella

✾ If you are local, please join me on New Year’s Day for my Third Not-Even-Remotely-Annual Open House.  This is your only invite – hope to see you between noon and 5 p.m. on January 1, 2012.