Saturday, December 12, 2009

Well, they can't all be winners. (Bad Santa.)

So I'm driving home from the annual holiday double feature (The Ref and Badder Santa) and two jackoffs are driving tandem on 7th Avenue at like 35 mph -- the guy on the right is going annoyingly slow and the guy on the left is weaving back and forth all over his lane -- and I'm thinkin', "Shit, we can't ALL be drunk." And I pull into my driveway (finally) and I immediately hear barking from my bay window. Shit. Shit. I know it's not Connor, since he hasn't heard my car pull up for at least two years. And I was hoping it wouldn't be New Dog, because I drew the curtains to keep her out and preserve the Christmas trees and ornaments. Okay, so she understands that she can get in between the drapes even though there are two layers that overlap in the middle. Dang, girl. (She IS pretty smart.) And seriously, did she lie there for 4.5 hours waiting for me to come home? Get a life.

But I think the worst part was the wet spot on the living room rug. When is that F-ing crate arriving? I think she gets so stressed that she drinks a ton of water and then loses bladder control in the excitement of my absence or return or something. Thank God I don't really have to go anywhere for a few days.

And I have a headache from coughing. I cannot wait to go to bed. Yes, I have a cold or virus or something -- I'm temporarily Phlegmish. The queen of Phlegm, in fact, which is why I haven't been blogging. I feel like dirt. Worse than dirt. Walking dirt. But Christmas is coming and I've got shit to do. Today was all about office gifts -- got them pretty much done. Tomorrow is all about getting the cards out, which for me is a huge deal -- we're talking photo holiday cards with me and the critters (I like photos and think they're mandatory for holiday cards), plus last year's Thank You cards that I forgot to send out because I had the flu, plus the Christmas letter, plus the Christmas song/poem, and some extra photos, and then that all gets stuffed into an envelope and mailed to 100 people. Tomorrow, I hope. In between cleaning the kitchen, cutting mom's hair and making jambalaya for 8. Gotta LOVE the holidays. The upside? I'm sick, baby, I don't have t' work out.

2 comments:

  1. I'm sorry we missed the jambalaya - by six I was pretty much in my jammies, sitting in bed, reading the BevMo! catalog - OMG! We went there, yesterday, on the way back from Tucson. I've been born again! Amazingly, we got out of there for under $200! But looking at the catalog, I realize I missed a few critical items and will need to go back.

    Feel better. I'm home all week if you need anything. Well, except for this morning when I go for the "follow up" to my root canal. After that, I'm here for you!

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  2. Well, congrats on BevMo, but you're officially behing on wine stores, because a new one opened at 16th St and Camelback. I'll race ya! I haven't been there yet, but I've heard good things. Hope the root canal was fun.

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