Monday, May 17, 2010

Two words: Zumba.

So it turns out that I haven't tried EVERY workout video known to mankind.  There's still Zumba.  (And I really never did give the Cardio Ballroom a fair shot -- Ena and I tried it after LOTS of alcohol one night and only managed about 10 minutes worth.  And frankly, I don't remember whether it was good or bad, so I haven't REALLY done it yet.)  But you know I'm totally going to get the Zumba DVD before I ever try the stupid Cardio Ballroom thing again.  Plus I still haven't Brung It yet.  

But Ena's back from Down Under and we have big plans to use her garage to Bring It.  Unfortunately, I found out last night that Bringing It apparently requires us to repaint her frickin' garage.  I can't even remember why this morning, but it seems like it had something to do with the projection of the P90X video on her walls.   But then she remembered that she has a screen, so maybe I'll get out of painting. Anyway, as soon as my face swelling (another frickin' allergic reaction to God-only-knows-what that gave most of my face a 2nd degree burn with  blisters that turned to scabbing and massive swelling) goes down and I look less like a citizen of Mongolia (because it totally made my cheeks fat and red and squeezed my eyes half shut), I'm ready to Bring It.

But I put the Zumba dvd into my cart anyway.

115.6

Sigh.  Just FIVE pounds, Baby Jesus!  How hard can that be?  I've been good.  Kind of.  Mostly.  Shit, don't I get points for good intentions?  Don't make me ask Santa.

Friday, May 14, 2010

Well, thank God I didn't bother to re-set the stupid clock.

Because the power went out again this morning.  What up APS?  You trying to burn down the hood?  Or just preparing us for power loss every time a breeze comes through during mosoon season? 

Before today's black out I washed the car with the new brush.  SWEET.  It really does reach the middle of the sun roof!  And, although some of the burnt-on bird poopage was stubborn, it did a beautimous job on the basic dirt and dust all over my car.  My car looked so nice that I decided to buff out the smears I got on it by ramming into my own plant urns in the driveway.  ("Here she comes, here comes Speed Racer....")  And then I was gonna touch up the paint chips, but my ten-year old touch up auto paint was dead.  So then I had to spend like two hours tracking down more touch up paint (plus primer and clear coat, natch) and some plastic paint for the driver's door control area that's all scratched up....And 50 bucks later, I'm waiting for more sh!t to store and another project that won't get done for weeks, months, or years, depending.  Hopefully I'll hop right on this one, because I'm enjoying the new car cleaning toys -- still waiting for the new sponge, squeegees, no rinse wash, grit guard, and the replacement Mr. Clean Auto Dry system, since mine frickin' soaked me today (oh, plus I need a new hose).  So maybe I'll still be playin with the car washing stuff when the paint arrives and it will all get done.

The weight loss has been quite a struggle this week.  I've still got skin issues that make me not want to work out.  That and I'd rather watch the Crazy B!tches with a glass of champagne.  Plus I didn't totally rid myself of the bad food this week -- I had chips and dip for dinner one night.  Probably not good.  And lots of frozen yogurt (I found a really large tub of fat free, so duh).  And there was some other bad stuff in there somewhere.  My new plan is to have a glass of V8 every time I want to snack.  That's worked great for like 6 hours so far, so I figure I'm set for life with my new V8 diet.  Okay, I'ma go weigh in...115.6.  So V8 it is.  I'll be going to Safeway for like ten gallons for the weekend.  Enjoy yours.

Tuesday, May 11, 2010

Twenty-five bucks worth of nostalgia.

My bubble umbrella arrived today.  (In a GIANT box with my car washing brush that attaches to the hose, so that I can wash my car myself, like once a year, after I've forgotten what a pain in the a$$ it is to wash my car and I'm certain that no one does as good a job cleaning my car as I can.)  Oh, you thought I was playin'?  Nope, I bought it.  And I have to say -- the thrill is NOT gone.  Am lovin' the bubble.  Can't wait until it rains in the desert again and I, hopefully, remember that I have the bubble.  Of course, I also ordered a mini-umbrella with B&W scenes of Paris on it, so it's going to be a tough call in terms of which one to use.  Theoretically, the mini is to throw in my purse to avoid heat stroke when it's 120 F this summer, but I might be too afraid of looking like a jackass to use it as a parasol.  Of course, the older I get, the more willing-to-look-like-a-jackass I become -- the reason all parents embarrass their children, I must assume.  So we'll see.  But I'll definitely be testing the car washing brush -- no more bird poop on my chest from trying to reach the middle of the sun roof with a sponge and my dinky arms.  Happy Days ahead.

Meanwhile, I remain motivationally-challenged and slightly itchy while holding steady at about 116.  I'm working on more exercise (did some lunges and stuff while watching an Agatha Christie/Miss Marple movie this morning and a walk with Mary B last night -- thanks as ALWAYS to Mary B for the motivation) and less bad food (I finished the chocolate cake and ate the last scone today, so I'm clear for the rest of the week until Sunday -- nothing but gluten-free pasta with my own healthy veggie sauce and maybe some egg fried rice with veggies, plus it's getting hot again, so I'm sure some G or B smoothies are in my future).  Sh!t.  Just noticed that my ipod boom box clock, that I just got set for the first time in like a YEAR last week, is now flashing because the power went out for ten seconds this morning.  It's always something.  And it's NEVER my fault.  That's my story.  Anyway, while a social life and weight loss continue to elude my grasp, I have a cool new umbrella and will be driving a not-so-completely-filthy car soon.  Gotta go set the stupid clock.

Sunday, May 9, 2010

Time for a makeover? Spa Day? Or maybe just a big smack down. Who's with me?

I feel like I'm underdone -- not enough makeup, not enough hair, not enough, you know....everything, except fat cells.


But that's because I've been watching the Crazy Bitches of OC, NYC, and NJ lately.  That, and one more episode of Jerseylicious and I'm going for hair extensions, liposuction, lip injections, fake lashes and some Botox.  Seriously, what is UP with all the fake beauty?  I'm feeling ugly just being me even on a good hair day.

Obviously having a "fat" week, plus allergies, but will try to do an hour workout this afternoon, and that should make me feel righteous again.  Temporarily.

Okay, didn't actually work out for an hour -- only 20 minutes of yoga.  And then I had a big piece of chocolate cake.  Oops.

Wednesday, May 5, 2010

Itchy, scratchy and depressed.

Grrrrrr.  Am so depressed.  116.  And itchy.  W. T. H.  It just doesn't seem fair that I can't lose the weight AND I'm frickin' itching all day and night.  It's hard to work up to a work out when you can't stop scratching your arms and legs and you can't walk outside, because that might will make you itch even more.  Did I mention grrrrrr?

Have been doing about 20 mins of yoga a day, plus a little extra strength training.  And I've been mostly good with the diet.  (I did have a chocolate bar this week.)  But I'm not losing anything.  Sigh.  Maybe it's hormonal, but I'm just depresed.

Post Script -- okay will admit to two bags of Cheetos this week.  Non-weight-loss mystery solved.

Thursday, April 29, 2010

Becoming plastic bubble mfr.

113.4  -- well ahead of my 114 goal for the weekend.  But I kind of cheated.  Brewed a big glass of Pleasant Peppermint last night and lost a pound of colon contents this morning.  But ya gotta love that light and fluffy feeling.  Anyway, I'm still trying to get back to about 108 and maintain it -- that way I can wear the skinny jeans without feeling like I'm about to burst out of them or muffin topping.  And I need to get rid of the flab on my arms and legs.  Wish I could walk in the beautiful weather.  Need large plastic bubble.  Googled it, and although lots of allergy sufferers out there seem to WANT a bubble, I was not able to locate any bubble vendor.  Something to think about for future career -- bubble-maker extraordinaire.  Closest thing I could find was the classic clear plastic bubble umbrella -- I had one as a pre-teen in the 70s and LOVED it.  Mine had white trim.  I think I might get one just for fun -- oh yeah, they still make em.  Try this:  http://www.umbrellasusa.com/subcategoryproducts.aspx?scid=38&cid=37&gclid=CODwiZDSrKECFRFYbQodchVuDw  Or just go to Amazon and search bubble umbrella.  I just put like 8 umbrellas and parasols in my cart.  

Am sore downtown, so I guess yesterday's Gilad was effective, and I'ma try to get to the upper body sometime today.  Will help if I can stop web shopping.  Got another pair of sweet boots today.  And some other stuff that seemed like a good idea at the time.  Will share if I think it's still a good idea upon receipt.  Did I mention I got Earth shoes for Earth Day?  They make some cute flops now -- not the ugly-ass things they used to make.  Who needs to plant a tree?  I've got Earth flops.  Will wear them in my bubble some day.

P.S.  Saw some performer (okay, I was watching Four Weddings and this was actually at a wedding reception -- weird) blow up and climb into his own giant translucent baloon.  Isn't this a bubble?  If he can do it, why can't I?  Where do I buy my own inflatable bubble?  And do I have to wear an all white spandex unitard?  Cuz that's kind of a deal breaker.

Wednesday, April 28, 2010

Lemons: good or evil?

Okay, the rash is less itchy, my face has gone from teeny blisters to one giant scab, and I've got the AC and air filters crankin'.  I am hermetically sealed and no longer have any excuse not to BRING IT.  And yet....  Well, the thing is I have to work back into working out every time I stop for even a few days.  And after a cookie-pie-rash weekend, I'm working back into my workouts pretty slowly.  But I'm getting there.  I did 20 minutes of yoga on Monday and on Tuesday and did a half hour of Gilad -- warm up + buns 'n thighs -- today.  So I'm not a TOTAL slug.  And I started adding lemon juice to my green tea (I'm a green-tea-aholic during daylight hours), because Jackie Warner said that you can burn an additional 100 calories a day just by drinking lemon water.  So, of course I'm all over it.  While Ena is bungee jumping in NZ and exploring Australia, I walked over to her yard full of citrus trees to steal some lemons and found them all plucked up to branches I couldn't reach.  And then I couldn't find the citrus plucker thingie, so I had to settle for only one enormous lemon for now.  (Can't wait until my own orchard comes to FRUITION -- get it?)   And, of course, I've got a bottle of ReaLemon, but that has sulfites, so I'ma have to remember to pick up some of the real deal.

So let's see if I've lost huge poundage by switching out the lemon cremes (okay, just mentioning them made my mouth water for another cookie -- darn Girl Scouts) for the lemon water.  Drum roll..........rim shot:  115.8.  But that's with some heavy tennis shoes.  So maybe 115.3?  That's better than 116-something.  I'll get back down to 114 by the weekend.  Sure I will.  All I have to do is keep checking out my dimply ass and thighs in the mirror and thinking of swim suit season (assuming I can go out of doors by then).  

Citrusy conclusion:  Good.  Unless you put them into cookies, then they're mostly bad, but it's not their fault.

Monday, April 26, 2010

"I'll take itchy rashes that prevent sleep for $200, Alex.'

Arrrrggghhh!  My arms and legs are covered again in a lovely itchy rash.  Oh, and did I mention my face is even covered in millions of tiny red blisters?  Not sure what did this, and have not identified the type of rash even, since Grover's/TAD can look a lot like atopic dermatitis.  I also might have been allergic to something in the oil I used on Saturday, before I spent an hour or so walking outside in the allergen-filled air, which by itself could have done this.  I usually get atopic dermatitis (allergic eczema) at this time of year, but this came on suddenly and in very large areas behind my knees, all over my arms, and on my face.  WTH?  I am clearly cursed.   I'm pretty sure that it's not bugs this time, so that's good.  But I spent another lovely night itching, scratching, turning to the left, itching, scratching, turning to the right, itching, scratching, switching pillows, itching scratching, switching from my back to my stomach, itching, scratching, and flinging the covers off, and then on again...you get the idea.

So, I'd BloGoogle how to tell the difference between Grover's and eczema, but I'm not sure it matters.  I'll continue taking the vitamin A and moisturizing my skin, and lock myself inside the house with my four air filters.  I mean, what else am I gonna do?  

To make my itchy imprisonment even more fun, the Girl Scouts and my complete lack of will power, forced me to eat a large piece of banana pie and like two boxes of cookies, over the weekend (I'm actually choking down another lemon creme right now), pushing me right back up to 116.6.  This diet and exercise/weight loss thing sucks.  But I think I've been down "This Sucks" Road before.   It leads smack up to "Whiny-Ass" Lane, and "I Can't Believe I Have to do this Forever" Boulevard.  Anyway, I'm sitting inside trying not to breathe any fresh air, and looking at my own fat ass while eating lemon creme GS cookies and wondering when and how I'll motivate to work out.

Thursday, April 22, 2010

Food Inc.: lemme pimp it a moment.

So this morning I did 20 minutes of power yoga with Rodney Yee (LOVE the Yee), plus a 40-minute walk with Mary B (love the B as well, but she's not available in convenient DVD form yet).  (Am working on a bad rap song with "The T to The G with The Yee and The B...."  Yeah, not so much.)  So SWEET, I'm set for the day -- can eat 4 or, let's face it, 6 scones (King Arthur Flour cranberry orange -- fresh out the oven, oh yeah) and have a glass (+?) of wine while watching the Project Runway final finale tonight.  Did I mention SWEET?  Thank God I'm not too busy at work.

So Mary B was telling me about this great documentary, Food, Inc. that she watched last night.  I looked it up and it's by the author of Fast Food Nation.  Now Mary and I have had these chats before, and the more I find out, the more I really hate what large corporations have done to our food in this country in the last 50 years or so.  I've finally gotten to the point where I only shop the outside of the supermarket, and think that I'm really going to have to bite the bullet and only buy organic or local from now on.  I think you will too if you watch this video.  Mary said that she plans to expand her garden after watching the movie, and I'm sure I will too.  (I've actually still got food in my backyard to harvest -- will be using spinach and fennel from my garden this weekend.  Wish me luck.)

ANYhoo, here's the video trailer for Food, Inc., in case you're interested.

Wednesday, April 21, 2010

Now I can blame the Girl Scouts.

Opened my first of three GS cookie boxes today.  Not in Love with the berry cookies, but the Do-Si-Dos are a symphony of dry, yet seemingly moist, peanut butter.  How DO they do it?  I imagine it's all about some pretty great chemical preservatives.

So here I am, back at square 2 or 3 and hanging steady at 113 or 114 pounds.  Yes, it's better than 122 where I started.  But not nearly as great as the sickroom 105, or even the fabulous 110 I saw briefly back in January or February (who can remember -- it was so long ago).  I continue to be torn between porking out on cookies and large sandwiches I don't need (but it was kind of a salad wrapped in a pita, with only a LEETLE bit of bacon), and trying to get rid of the calories.  I walked last night (thanks to Mary B) and then got my butt outside for a 40 minute walk this morning (thanks to Fit TV and the National Fitness Challenge, which I watched last night).  But that clearly is not sufficient for anything but a really sad kind of almost-maintenance.  Why can't I Bring It?

For some reason, I lack the motivation to do much more than order craft crap I don't need from Amazon. I'm having trouble even working up a desire to do 20 minutes of yoga.  (But my new die cutter/embosser is super sweet and some cards MUST be made.)  I think some punishment motivation is in order, and I may have to leave Fit TV on all night tonight.  Unfortunately, I think the truth is that I need some help motivating and when Ena gets back from running her frickin' marathon (and making me feel like a really inadequate slug) and Australia and New Zealand, I'll make Ena Bring It with me.  Of course, that's in mid-late May, about the time I'm supposed to be going to France.  Hmmm. 

Well, I'll worry about that tomorrow.  I should probably work or something today.




Friday, April 16, 2010

Well, the good news is, I no longer have two pints of frozen yogurt in the freezer.

The bad news is I ate another pint.  Plus a cone at Ikea.  But that was low fat, so it doesn't count.  Need to work out, or at least walk, but I'm way behind again.  Haven't weighed myself since that last post.  Hang on.  Yep, holding steady at 114.4.  Hmmmmmm.  Maybe it's time for another Pleasant Peppermint cleansing?  What the heck, it's Friday!

Monday, April 12, 2010

Bless me father, for I ate the whole pudding ring cake by myself.

Yes, I must confess that I ate the whole darn Easter pudding ring alone.  And then I followed that up with two pints of frozen yogurt the next weekend.  I had counted on my friends to help me, but they abandoned me (really unfair, considering I'm always there for them when they come up with cookies and other desserts) and I was forced to consume pudding ring for a late night snack, breakfast, mid-morning snack, and dessert at every meal for like a day and a half until the last little delicious crumb was gone.  Sigh.  And that was on the heels of three bags of Easter candy -- two mini Reeses and one bag of Rolos -- it doesn't get much better than Reeses and Rolos.  Mmmmm.  Again, not my fault, because Target had them on sale three-bags-for-$8.  I mean, what're you gonna do?  You're gonna buy three bags, right?  Hell yes.  I'm lucky I didn't buy six.

So now I'm back up to, I don't know, I'm guessing 115 again?  Wait, I'll go weight myself.  Yeah.  As expected, 114.6 even without my slippers, pajama bottoms and watch.  Ouch, ouch, and more ouch.  I'm like back to square 3.

But the past is the past.  Pudding rings, Reeses and Rolos are all behind me (literally).  I've got two more pints of yogurt in the freezer though.  That's kind of bad.  Was going to Bring' It as much as possible within the bounds of my little world and my schedule, but just haven't been in the mood to work out really seriously for an hour a day for 6 days.  I mean, if I had that kind of motivation, I wouldn't need their program, now would I?  I've got craft projects, scrapbooking (way behind on Egypt), cleaning, TV shows, and assorted other priorities (like layin' on the couch with a glass of wine) that prevent Bringing It all the time, or even most of the time.  Well, so far, even part of the time.  But I'ma get there.  The house is looking better -- almost picked up from the whole illness thing and I'm on a mission to get stuff off my kitchen counters.  I feel like I'm fighting a losing battle here with all my stuff.  Might have to get crazy and stop ordering more shit from Amazon every day.  Naw.  Will just try to work out more.  Might start over again with a walk this morning.  Maybe.

Wednesday, April 7, 2010

P90X: Oh, yeah -- you CAN drink while BRINGIN' IT!

BRING IT!  (Thought I'd get that out of the way.)  Oh, we done brung it.  Fortunately, Ena, is a lot like me, and she was smart enough to BRING a bottle of liquid muscle relaxer to the P90X "How to Bring It" video screening.  Go Ena! 

So we're watching "How to Bring It" (great title, BTW), because we needed to get prepped and pumped to BRING IT, and it turns out to be "How to Buy Stuff You Didn't Know You Needed to Buy to Bring It."   Hmmmmm.  Well, maybe I will get a heart monitor.  But I don't think I need the Beach Body workout matt, bands, supplements, bars, yoga blocks, etc., etc., etc.  I think I got a lot of program for my money so far, but let us not go nuts with extra shit just yet.

After we watched the How to Buy More Stuff From Us video, I noticed that the How To video had some "bonus" workouts on it.  So I started the UML (upper, middle, lower?) video (well, accidentally started that, because I thought I was starting the interval cardio one, but, whatever).  And it looked pretty easy.  So I jumped up and started doing it.  And lo, it WAS easy.  Are they messing with me?  I couldn't stop doing the UML and pretty soon Ena had no choice and was up doing it with me.  It was only about 40 minutes and very doable -- easy to follow, not crazy fast, doable.  And it turns out that you can totally do the UML while drinking a glass of wine -- I mean they had drink breaks.  I don't think it's recommended -- they were drinking water.  But we managed to make it through with our wine.  So we got to drink AND workout and feel good about it -- fist bump, oh yeah.

We watched the Interval video with more wine, which was good, because that one looked a lot harder and was almost an hour.  But it was easy to ignore in the background and now I know what it is like.  Plus we totally planned a progressive Spa Day for the girls in our hood -- we have 5 homes on three blocks and we can totally do facials, mani-pedis, yoga, lunch, etc. at our different homes sometime in July when it's hotter than Hades out here and we need a break.  On the To Do list.

I'm thinking about jumpin' in and getting started with my 90 days of Bringin' It today.  I'm supposed to do either the chest and back workout plus the ab ripper X, or the Core Synergistics workout.   Will let you know if I get either one done.  Oh, and I'm supposed to take "Before" photos too.  Ouch, friggin', ouch.  But I like that they even tell you how to pose for your six before and six after photos.  That could be fun.

Monday, April 5, 2010

How to piss off an (almost) total stranger.

So I washed out of the Meet Up group.  Not really my fault, I think, but just the same, I'm not going any more, which means I'm on my own again, workout-wise.  I showed up for Booty Buster Friday at 8 am and waited around and ... nobody.  So I figured something happened and it got canceled -- not the first time a meeting has been canceled at the last minute by this group.  So as I'm walking the track by myself, I check my email (because I have the technology to do that, finally) and, yes, there was an email entitled "CANCELING BB FRIDAY" sent about 1 am.  So now I know why no one is there.  Turns out the assistant organizer, let's call her Laura, got food poisoning and couldn't make it.  Okay, totally understand the late notice.  But, as I'm walking around alone, having spent time getting ready to go there, driving there, and waiting around, I'm thinking, why cancel the whole deal?  The point of the group is just a bunch of motivated people meeting to work out, and Laura had already emailed the entire planned workout to everyone.  So we could've done it without her and I would probably have worked harder/longer with some company, yes?  Yes. 

So when I get home, before I forget, I email Laura and tell her that I hope she feels better (I mentioned this twice, so that she wouldn't think I was insensitive to her illness), and that I totally understand the late notice, but may I suggest that maybe she give people the option of showing up, instead of flat canceling the meet up when she cannot make it?  I don't think I was out of line in making this suggestion.  Then Saturday afternoon, I get a mega-bitchy email from Laura telling me how insensitive I am, that I'm the ONLY one who had an "issue" with her cancellation, that other people were more concerned with her well-being (whereas I didn't care about her and was only concerned about my own workout), that she didn't "formally" cancel the meet by removing it from the website calendar, so, as we're all adults, everyone should have known it wasn't really canceled (despite the email "canceling" the meet up in allcaps) and could have gone anyway.  [Huh?]  Plus, instead of suggesting that she not cancel a meet up she cannot make, she thinks I should have posted a comment on the website bulletin board (which I know I've never read) suggesting that members go ahead and attend canceled meet ups.  (Because that would work, wouldn't it?)   AND, what I may have considered a suggestion, she considered criticism, and SHE DIDN'T APPRECIATE IT! 

Wow.  I think maybe Laura has some issues.  Or maybe Laura just doesn't like me.  Who knows.  I'd like to think she was still violently ill (because now I really don't feel sorry for her cranky ass).  I didn't realize we were best buddies, or I was her mommy, so that I was supposed to wring my hands and offer her chicken soup and massive doses of sympathy -- I thought we were acquaintances in a group for the purpose of WORKING OUT and getting fit together and that she had taken on a leadership role.  Apparently not -- apparently she is using the group as her social support system or something.  Can you imagine if I'd sent her a truly critical email?  Whatever Laura's problem may be, I don't need the drama, so I'm skipping this Meet Up group in future.  I can work out alone anytime and avoid nasty Laura all the time.

So P90X (BRING IT!), here I come!!!

Wednesday, March 31, 2010

Who has time to work?

I have nothing interesting to post today, except that I'm not dead yet.  Did a 45-minute upper-body strength and cardio interval workout this morning at Steele Park with a Meet Up group.  Great workout and I can feel good about it all day long.  So I got one workout in this week.  Two if you count my little walk on Monday.

Then I had my annual well woman exam -- we know how much fun those are, don't we ladies?  And, of course, I'm back up to 111 (I miss my short-lived 105).  Then I decided I needed a cordless hand-vac, so I can clean the patio cushions and the car.  Thank you Amazon.  And then I needed a Shark steam pocket mop.  Thank you Costco.  Then I had to clean the kitchen floor with it.  Thank you.....oh -- that was all me.  Not bad.  Better than running back to the sink or a bucket to rinse and wring every other minute.  All in all, I think I likey the Shark.  I plan on walking around barefoot all afternoon.

Not much work happening yet today, and now I've got to get more green tea, PPV and record Sherlock Holmes and The Blind Side, and then I'll need to quit early to get ready for book club. SO much to do.  Oh well.  I can work harder tomorrow.

Monday, March 29, 2010

Back ON that Horse, or How I Jogged for, like, 5 or 6 blocks.

Whew.  Back from a walk/jog.  I'm feeling SO much better now, that I actually started over -- back to ground zero and walkin' the 'hood.  Because I need to ease back into workouts and because it's spring and the bougainvillea, the roses, the citrus, and everything else beautiful and fragrant that stuffs up my nose and gives me eczema, is in bloom.  Not to mention that the sun exposure was probably a great idea for my extra-crispy face.  And because I gained back that last 5-7 pounds on the 'roids, dammit.  So I decided to drop everything and brave the allergens and sun for the 20 minutes I had while the dogs' rice was boiling.  Three songs to the South, half a song East, and 2.5 songs North to home and I'm done.  And I even jogged for a few blocks.  Twice.  So there.  Take that you frickin' allergies and skin and stuff!

It's good to be home.  And feelin' better (the vitamin A seems to be helping the Grover's).  And farmin', BTW -- I've got bell peppers, fennel, spinach, and onions, and my apricots and tomatoes are setting now.  If a tenth of the blooms on my Meyer lemon come to fruition, I'ma open a lemonade stand.  I'm such a proud mama.  Who knew I could grow stuff that's actually useful?  Do you KNOW how many stupid hibiscus plants I've killed in my time?  And now I'm growing stuff that I can eat.  Cool.  Stay tuned for the citrus peel enzyme cleaner experiment.  I've got several batches fermenting now and it should be ready to clean my house by mid-June.  Lemony-jealous much?



Saturday, March 27, 2010

Because no one's lookin' at your waist if you have SWEET, SWEET shoes.

Or boots.  This post is a Love-Fest for my new Old Gringo boots.  I found them in a shop on Main in Durango and they wanted, get ready,  hard to believe.............$575.00.  OUCH!!  But they were, are, some frickin' awesome, cool boots.  I needed them.  Obviously.

They didn't have my size, or I probably would've dropped $600 right there.  (I know!)

TGFTI (thank God for the internet).  So I go "home" to our rental house and start surfing HARD for these boots (mind you, I'm still all itchy/scratchy, so this took some focus).  Zappos -- yes, but $470.  Mmm.  No.  Cavender's, yes, but $420.  Finally  SCORE!!!!  Endless shoes and bags for $321, free shipping and returns, no tax.  Oh yes.  Boom.  Hit confirm order, done.

The boots were at my house when I arrived home last night.  LOVE the internet and Brown.

And the object of my affection:


Now don't tell me that these are not the coolest boots EVER, because I will not believe you.  I would sleep in them, but they poke the sheets.

Thursday, March 25, 2010

Who knew my own skin could be so uncomfortable?

Okay, so I haven't blogged for a week or three, because I was busy being busy being sick.  My skin just turned on me.  After the bugs, I gave myself a severe allergic reaction to topical sulfur and an MSM supplement (an organic form of sulfur that you supposedly cannot be allergic to -- oops, not true) and was just in agony with that stuff (my neck swelled up to the size of about three linebackers on 'roids).  Then on top of that I got old white men's disease -- Grover's disease, which means that my skin can't hold itself together any more and I have an itchy rash on my neck and torso and limbs that gets worse if I get hot and/or sweat (so this is either a great excuse not to work out, or a serious blow to my exercise plans).  Like I needed another itchy frickin' rash.  And they don't know what causes it (the insult of burning myself inside and out with sulfur might have had something to do with it, or it might have been the drugs for the bugs, or maybe all the hot baths I was taking for the bugs, or I might have defective or plugged up sweat glands -- frickin' who knows), and there is no cure for it.  And it can last 10-12 months, or go on for years.  Just my luck.  But hey, I lived with my good friend Itchy Rash of Unknown Origin (atopic dermatitis) for 2.5 years before the bugs happened, so I can deal.  So far, my research reveals that Vitamin A is about the only known treatment for it.  So I'm all Vitamin A'd up.  (Trivia -- your body creates Vitamin A from Beta Carotene -- who knew?)  Now if I could only sleep for more than 2 hours at a time -- I wake up itching like a son of beech.  Basically I haven't slept an entire night since early February.  But I'm optimistic that it will improve -- I mean it can't get worse, and at least I don't have bugs any more.  I think.  Oh, and I got some TOTALLY kick ass Old Gringo boots last night.  So things are looking up.

So, this has all kind of set back my mid-life get-my-ass-in-shape-and-write-a-funny-blog-about-it program.  On the up side, I did get down to 105.  But then the dermatologist gave me large doses of 'roids (I've never met a dermatologist who didn't think that steroids were the answer to each and every skin problem, and I've never had steroids actually fix any problem.  Ever.  Although I will admit I was pretty happy with them the day I had about 4 layers of hives all over me.)  And  about 11 days into my 10-day steroid program, duh, I finally realized why I was eating everything that wasn't nailed down.  And that lasted at least two weeks (hell, I'm STILL hungry), and totally blew my big weight loss victory -- the one good thing that came from the whole bug ordeal, blown to bits by 20 tiny steroids tablets.  I hate dermatologists AND steroids.  So I'm probably back up to 110 -- I haven't checked yet, because I finally just left town and went skiing for a week.  Oh, and note to my dermatologist -- sun exposure (which he recommended) can actually exacerbate Grover's (kind of a crap shoot I guess -- might help, might hurt).  My face got all red, swollen, blistery, and, yes, even itchy, despite SPF 30.  So my joy continues.  I took two days off to let my face heal a bit, but couldn't resist getting one last afternoon of skiing in -- final day of the season for me.  AND it was GOOD.

Here's the photo of my happy, sore, cold face.  Pretty, NO?

Hang on, got to get some liquid sedative....

So tomorrow, I'm back to Phoenix and reality and trying to get back to normal -- at least I'm not washing everything every day any more.  I.  Re.  Fuse.  Looking forward to opening the Amazon purchases that I got myself last week and catching up with my friends and neighbors.  What up?!  to Luane and Rhonda, who have been doing a boot camp at the Y every morning at like 6 am or something even more insane and doing it for like 2-3 weeks.  OUCH.  My hat is off, ladies.  My butt remains in bed at that hour, but my hat is way off.

Next week:  Maybe I take P90X out of the box?  It could happen.

Thursday, March 4, 2010

How to lose those last 5 pounds without even trying: the Frickin' Scabies diet.

Well, where to begin?  I'll start with the good news:  I'm down to ONE-OH-FIVE!!!!!!  Can you believe that sh!t?!  I cannot.  I would have been happy to hit my 107-108 goal.  But 105?!  That's my post-graduate weight, just without the muscle and with more wrinkles.  So, Mission Accomplished!  Now the trick is to keep it off.  And since I went through an entire BAG of Sprout's delicious "natural" cheese puffs today, I'm not optimistic.  BUT, my P90X system (Bring It!) arrived today.  And you will be hearing more from me and my P90X system (BRING IT!!).

The bad news?  OH, the friggin' bugs.  I lost 5 pounds because I've been in Hell with NO ice water for two weeks now.  I couldn't sleep, couldn't work, and haven't even WANTED to eat (except for that bag of cheese puffs I really wanted those this morning).  As you know, from my last post, I have to get up every morning, strip the bed, wash my sheets, blanket, and pillow, vacuum all over, shower and soak myself with all kinds of potions designed to either kill the microscopic mite bastards or soothe my poor besieged, burned, bumpy, and nearly-destroyed skin, (3X per day) and then clean everything I've touched.  I had to put trash bags over all my chairs, and my car seat, wash everything I use or bag it up immediately, wash the dog and everything the dog sits on daily, and had to buy a play pen for the dog, so that she doesn't sleep in the bed with me and act as a fomite.  (Look how the bugs have improved my vocabulary.)  After two horrible sleepless nights of topical pesticide cream that prevented me from scratching the incredible itch and from putting anything soothing on my body, I determined that the bugs are impervious to the topical pesticide.  In fact, I think they liked it.  Shit.  So I went to the Dr. for the internal bug bomb, known as Ivermectin, because I JUST COULDN'T FRICKIN' TAKE IT ANY MORE!  I was (and still am) an itchy sore, red, sleep-deprived basket case.  That photo doesn't actually do my allergic-to-nasty-microscopic-bugs rash justice -- my skin is actually like twice as bad today, since that photo was taken yesterday.  Hopefully it gets a bit worse as it's getting better.  Anyway, I took that stuff last night, but I don't think that it killed all of the little ba$stards either.  Will find out when I attempt to sleep tonight.  And, even more fun, the intolerably itchy rash is supposed to continue, even after the bugs are gone, for another 4-8 weeks.  Good God.  I've been afflicted with the F'in plague.  No one deserves this.  It is really, really awful.  Anyway, I'ma try not to dwell on how bad it is and give you something positive:  demodex mites, aka eyelash or face mites.  Look 'em up, boys and girls, because, guess what?  YOU probably have them too!!  Oh yes, you do!  You've got both dust mites AND face mites.  So there.  You just don't have the scabies mite, that I like to call Satan's scarab.  The one bright spot in the bug battle, is that the sulfur cream that burned my neck and upper torso actually cleared up the demodex mite population around my eyebrows, eyes, nose, mouth and ears.  I had issues that I didn't even know they were causing, and my skin (on my face anyway) hasn't looked this good since I was 11.  Now if I could only get some sleep.  Gonna have to go get another glass of liquid red sedative.  It's available at most grocers -- just ask for "cabernet sauvignon."

Will blog again when I'm feeling better and have good news and fitness progress to report.

Monday, February 22, 2010

Mayo clinic.

Sigh.  Remember the bug-that-shall-remain-nameless?  Well, I thought it was gone.  So I stopped soaking for 30 minutes every morning and evening in Borax and Epsom Salt, and just took regular baths and showers and only changed the sheets every 3 days for like a week once the symptoms went away.  What can I say?  I got cocky. And the payback was a frickin' miserable outbreak of the little buggers this weekend.  I think the soaking thing must have been working, because my rash was pretty much all above the water soaking line (hard to get down to my chin in my tub).  My theory is that the eggs were buried up there and I just didn't keep up the process long enough to kill all the new ones as they hatched.  Either that, or I didn't get them all out of my environment.  So I lost another day researching more treatments and running around town buying Borax, hydrogen peroxide, sulfur soaps/creams, and diatomaceous earth.  I have now implemented a 27-prong attack against all Nameless Bugs in my home and car, not to mention on my personal person.  They are facing the most hostile environment that I can provide:  after they are soaked in a chemical bath including salt, Borax, and hydrogen peroxide for 30 minutes, they get scrubbed with sulfur soap and then drowned with bug-sterilizing oils.  If they survive that, or have the nerve to hide in my bedding (being changed frickin' DAILY again), they can say hello to my leetle friend, DE:  razor sharp pulverized shell fossil.  That's right, you can now skate on the white powder covering my floors and mattress cover, and even my person, since I'm mixing that into the neem oil now.  

The Mayo part?  Ah, the mayo part.  Well, little Lola-dog sleeps in my bed.  It won't do much good to wash myself and my bedding if she hops into bed with me with bugs, now will it?  Some kennel owner on the internet says that you can get rid of any (nameless) bug by covering the dog in mayo for like an hour.  So, naturally, I busted out a brand new jar of the real deal and slathered her up!   Thar she blows!  Aw, the poor little thing -- she has NO idea why she's getting dumped into the bathtub daily, and the mayo really threw her this morning.  But isn't the photo hysterical?  I love the freaky reflective eyes.   (Note Connor in the sideground NOT getting mayo'd.)  She's still drying out two hours later and I'm in the mood for some tuna salad.  [Update:  Well THANK YOU Mr. You-Should-Put-Mayo-on-Your-Dog.  He forgot to mention, and I forgot to remember, how much oil there is in your average half jar of real mayo.  I was feelin' sorry for the dog, 'cuz it seemed like she was taking a long time to dry, even with my Vidal Sassoon ionizing hair dryer.  Then I noticed how shiny my hand was from rubbing her fur.  Oops.  Let's just say that Jheri curls are not a great look on a toy poodle.  :-)  (Apologies for the cliche sideways smiley face -- but I crack up every time I look at the photo.)  So, my game was delayed further by a SECOND bath for the dog, after which...she remains kind of oily.  Oh well.  The good news is she's gettin' another bath tonight anyway.  Oh, and just to make sure I'm EXTRA frickin' miserable, I've confirmed my suspected sulfur allergy with a lovely burning sensation following application of one of the oldest and most-certain Nameless Bug killers out there, sulfur cream.  Yep, I'm allergic.  Anyone want three bars, two jars, and one tube of sulfur product?]

On the upside, if there can be one in my current misery, the New Digital said 110.8 (of course "point eight," because there is no other point digit) this morning.  Wow!  Nameless bugs make you light and fluffy!  Or maybe its all the soaking and running around washing sh!t.   Or laying awake at night with itchy bugs crawling under your skin.  Or the stress.  Or maybe the 50 minutes of simulated roller blading on Friday?  Whatever it is, I'm happy to be losing the weight, just not the bug battle.

Friday, February 19, 2010

Is roller blading supposed to be a blood sport?

So it was another BEAUTIFUL day -- meaning I had to take Zyrtec, Claritin, and Benadryl to go outside.  I love allergy season spring.  But with sufficient allergy meds on board, Ena and I ventured out to Steele Indian School park.  We discovered that it's a beautiful park, that it's under-appreciated, perfect for roller blading, and that blood and dirt will show on a white jacket.  Steele has a lot of really cool features, including what I'ma call the "Death Spiral" desert garden.  It spirals gently down to a central water feature.  Except, that I thought the outside trail looked too gentle -- I mean it didn't even look like it went downhill.   So, "Hey," I said, "Let's go down the disabled ramp."  Genius.   (Anyone who's ever skied with me knows this particular technique of mine -- I peek down a slope, make an uninformed snap decision, yell it to my friends, and take off.)  I made it to the first turn.   I was picking up speed.  Ena was yelling "Brake!  Brake!"  I'm thinkin' "Brake, my ass" -- 'cuz I don't really know how to use my brake so much.  But I thought I could just hang on through the gnarly hairpin turn.  (I don't know how those people in wheelchairs do it.   I guess they brake.)  Well, I underestimated the narrow ramp, the steepness of the slope, the rocks and debris, and way overestimated my ability to brake or turn.  And when I recoiled in fear right at the big moment, my ass-numbing fall was inevitable.  There was a bit of blood and I think I embedded some things in my hand (hard to tell, even with my old lady glasses), but I've gotten worse paper cuts this week, and nothing was broken. I got some free additional distressing of my new favorite holey jeans, and I think we probably burned more calories laughing than skating.  So it was all good.  And it really was a nice day.  
But they should make roller blading an Olympic sport, yes?  Who's with me?  I should Become a Fan of "I bet we can get 100,000 people to support inline skating as an Olympic sport."  Except that I hate that whole "Become a Fan" thing almost as much as I hate when my friends find bunnies or lost ducks on their imaginary FB farms, or think I'd like to know that they need a machine gun for their mafia game.  (After this I'ma go try to figure out how to hide all those game notifications on my FB page, so that I only see when my friends post important things, like how bored they are or that they're doing nothing.  Thanks guys, you know I love you no matter what I say about your FB habits.  P.S.  Just hid Farmville.  Praise Baby Jesus -- half my notifications went away.) 
So that's it -- Roller Blading Part Deux.  Here's a photo of Ena showing off the holes in HER jeans before we even start.  So she didn't need to fall on her butt to get more distressing.
Gotta go order P90X.  And more makeup -- watching pairs dancing and decided I'm under made-up.     

Because why start working now?

I've had a tough morning, what with a drug store run and backyard poop patrol and then getting the low down on the upcoming yard-destroying trenching to upgrade my gas line.  And it's freakin' 12:30 already and I've gotten like NO work done yet.  And I'm quitting at 4 to roller blade.  Sh!t.  

So I thought I'd have the other half of my deliciously-festive white and green smoothie (I've come a long way since the days of the brown smoothie) and update the blog.  The good news is that I'm holding steady at like 112 or 113 pounds.  I'd like to be maybe 107 or 108, but I'm working on it   Slowly.  (I've also come a long way from the days when I thought I could lose 10 pounds in one week!)  I gotta say, I feel a lot better in my pants now, which is something I probably shouldn't say in public, but you know what I mean.  I'm FEELING skinnier, and that's most of the battle.  I still need to lose a bit of fat and build muscle, but that's an ongoing lifelong deal (rrrrrrrrrrrrr, suck, suck, suck).  So should I try to get in INSANE shape?  Or crazy sexy shape?  Or maybe just...Look Good Naked?!!  

Yes, I finally caught the Look Good Naked infommercial yesterday.  And it turned out to be an ad for the Wave Speed Slimming System (I'd throw in the link, but I'm sure their ad will pop up on my blog within a day or two).  The Wave, is a curved version of the 90s step (do they still do step aerobics?) that you can flip upside down and rock back and forth to work abs, do cardio, etc.  See -- that could be me, rockin' the wave.  Hmmm.  I thought about it, yes I did.  And then I remembered all the workout equipment I've had over the years and how much I used it.  Let's reflect, shall we?  Let's see.  There was, way back, an actual giant plastic step that collected a lot of dust and fur under the bed.  I've had at least two mini-steppers, one rock-and-roll stepper, a stationery bike, a treadmill, a glider (very fun, look it up), the Total Gym, my Weider Flex-gym 2000 (I actually used that thing and really loved it, but it got replaced with a toile chaise lounge -- hey, I've got priorities), and, let's see, I still have a weight bar and plastic steps that go with my Firm (which also makes the Wave) workout videos.  And they've ALL gotten the boot, well, except for the plastic steps, 'cuz they're kind of a plant stand right now, and I do that workout about once a year.  So I PROBABLY don't need another giant plastic thing that will sit around in one room or another, possibly several different rooms, and then ultimately get Craig'slisted or donated.  So I DIDN'T order it.  Yes!  Seventy bucks IN my pocket.

But.  When Look Good Naked ended, the P90X ("Bring it!") infommercial came on.  Uh oh.  Now, you may recall that I was already tempted by P90X in my hotel room in Vail.  Because I can get RIPPED in 90 days.  And whether I get ripped or not, I like that it doesn't involve a giant piece of plastic that I can only use with their workout video and which will sit around my house for months before I admit I don't use it.  And it's got like TEN or maybe even FOURTEEN (who can remember?) different work outs on it.  You can just do abs, or specific body parts, or whatever.  Plus, see that chick on the bottom?  Apparently P90X makes you blond too.  I could save tons at the salon.

And you KNOW I've purchased at least a dozen different workout videos in the last six months and probably spent more than $140 on all that stuff that I don't use (I might not have even tried some yet -- oops, can you say Cardio Ballroom?).  So why not?  What's $140?  I wasted $96 on frickin' Avesil, because I don't have the energy to fight the scamming ba$stards.  So I've got P90X in my cart and I think some photos are in order before I sign off.

Crap, I forgot I put the Fein MultiMaster in my cart too.  (That ad came on after P90X.)  What can I say, I'm susceptible.  Ask me about the Ronco Dehydrator, the Jack LaLane juicer, the __? pasta maker (I don't recall who sold me that one), or the Magic Bullet.  All great products.  Really.  But the ONE thing I will NEVER buy, no matter HOW many commercials I am forced to see....................................................the freakin' Snuggie.   You couldn't sell me one if you threw in a lifetime supply of Reeses' Peanut Butter Cups and Kraft BB Mac and Cheese.  Okay, maybe if you threw in both of those.  But I'd have to burn the Snuggie.  They make BLANKETS people -- throw one on.  Or better yet, just keep wearing the PJs and slippers that you've been wearing to my Safeway.  Yeah, you.  But please, no Snuggies -- Baby Jesus, make my 5-mile radius a Snuggie-free zone.

Tuesday, February 16, 2010

WHO'S the best doggie mommy?

Yes, I am.  I was a GOD for an hour or two tonight when I made the critters salmon rice cakes with black beans.  Was looking for something (easy?) to feed the doggies in light of Lola's allergies.   After all that work and mess, I'll probably find out that her allergies aren't food related.  ANYhoo, I made them little doggie rice/salmon cakes.  Did you know that when you buy a can of salmon it has nasty little bits of salmon skin, not to mention entire salmon spines and bones in there?  I thought it would be like tuna or canned chicken or something -- you'd think they'd take out the bones and remove the skin.   Or at least warn you -- "Hey, this has bones in it.  Plus skin."  But noooooo, I had to pick all that stuff out with my fingers.  Eeeewww.  We'll see if that happens again.  I'm good for a week's worth of doggie rice cakes.

Hey, I just realized I've still got Ballroom Cardio lying around here somewhere.  I PROMISE -- sometime soon.  Meanwhile, Ena and I are rollerblading at a new park on Friday.  And I yogad for an hour yesterday, and I'm feelin' it in my shoulders.  So it ain't all red wine and cheesey bread here.  Just mostly.


Sunday, February 14, 2010

We are the world.

OMG, it's another drunken "I love you man" post.  But, really, I DO love you all.  Kum bah ya, my Lord, kum bah ya, Oh Lor-ord....you get the drift, if not the proper spelling.  Another beautiful day in the neighborhood -- call Mr. Rodgers, because it was NICE this weekened.

And, have I done ANYTHING remotely workey-outey?  Nope.  Not a thing.  Not for like 3 days.  Although I did burn some calories shopping.  And while I'm at this, why don't the web sites that give you calories burned show the number of calories burned per hour of shopping?  Because, let me tell you, you can burn some calories fighting off the b!tches at Last Chance or even TJ Maxx.  Seriously, if it's a sale or purse day at Last Chance, forget about it.

I'm avoiding the scale and will try some yoga or something tomorrow, but for now, I'ma take a pass.  Sleep tight and please click on an ad -- I think I get like one-thousandth of a penny for every ten million clicks or something, so don't be shy -- get yourself some scabies treatment or an Insanity video, or at least pretend some interest.  It's all for a good cause.  ::::-----))))

Note to self -- STOP saying scabies -- will only result in more scabies treatment ads.

Did I mention how fun the home tour was?  Can I upload a photo?  Let's see.  Yes.  Home tour preview party night photo, and end-of-tour photo at Ena's house this afternoon.  Proving that photos from the waist up are always a good thing if you want to look skinny.  Kum bah ya, my Lord, kum bah yah....

4 am post-excess-alcohol post script (because I woke up at 2:30 am after a long day of Willo Home Tour and potluck carousing):  Is it just me, or are those photos really blurry?  I don't think they were blurry on the phone or on FB when I posted them.  What up with that?   Will have to find a way to fix that issue.  Would get up and email photos to self, but bed is warm and feet/floor coldish at 4 am.   [Feb. 19 addendum:  emailed photos to self and re-posted -- why were they blurry?] Trawling (will have to look that word up someday, but tonight I'm gonna assume that's the right word) for that Look Good Naked infommercial.  Ugh, opened with The Story of Louis Pasteur -- even TCM gets desperate in the wee hours.  (Hey, wait a minute, Louis is kind of growing on me.)  Do you think there's a way to make the type larger on my on-screen satellite guide?  I AM getting old.  I'd try to fix that, but I can't see the screen well enough to do it from bed.  Those Insanity people are on again at 5 am.  And if I'm still up in 10 minutes, I can check out Hypnosis for Weight Loss.  THAT's something I haven't tried.  "You are getting SLEEPY.  And full.  You HATE chocolate.  Cookies are evil.  You want a dry, naked SALAD for lunch.  And dinner...."  I may have to stay up just for that show.  Hold the remote -- no need to wait for the Hypnosis show, when "Brazil  Butt Lift" (watch for the ads here soon) is on right now.  Sorry Louis (he's been inoculating sheep for like 10 minutes).  Okay, the Brazil Butt Lift is a workout they describe as being like "One-on-one personal training with the Butt Master."  Ouch!  The Butt Master?  Let's just enjoy that phraseology for a moment, shall we?  Are people buying this?  I clearly just need a half hour of air time and I can and will sell something totally stupid and make a gazillion dollars.  Please, E! network, just give me a chance -- I can come up with something at least as good as a snuggie, or the Butt Master.  

Okay, couldn't find the Look Good Naked infommercial and I'm too sleepy to explore the ad for the 6-week body make over where you eat more, exercise less and lose weight.  They had me at "eat more."  I can't even watch the Hypnosis guy.  How's he gonna do this?  Does he hypnotize you via video?  "LOOK into my eyes."  I may have to watch this a bit longer and report back.  Going back to not-sleep.

Tuesday, February 9, 2010

In honor of my excellent ads.

Check out my ads!  I haven't been looking at them and just noticed that I've got ads for scabies product and the Insanity work out program on my blog.  LOVE it.  How DO they get so crazy specific with the ads?  Is someone at blogspot reading my blog and picking ads for it?  And do they think that my READERS have scabies too?  Or do they just have software that matches words and stuff?

Ooh, maybe I can conduct an experiment -- if I write about STDs or just weird shi!t, do you think that ads for crotch creams will show up?  Hmmmm.  Something to ponder.  And look forward to.

Made me laugh.  Enjoy the ads.

P.S.  I did the park Meet Up yesterday, but my ass hardly hurts at all.  I must not have worked hard enough.

P.P.S.  Saw an infommercial entitled "Look Good Naked," or something like that.  Haven't checked it out yet, but I will let you know how that turns out.  I'd better start blogging about something other than b-u-g-s, 'cuz I don't want a bunch of scabies ads -- it just doesn't look right.

Monday, February 8, 2010

Cold pizza disposal.

I never got around to reading the label, so I don't know exactly how many calories I had, but this weekend I ate an entire 12-inch platter of bean dip with sour cream, cheese, onions, tomatoes, and olives.  With chips.  Um, oops.  And that was before the Super Bowl dinner with sausages and cheese and pizza, oh my.  So not a great diet weekend, but I got 12 pages into scrapbook number 2 of 2 from last summer's mediterranean cruise.  Woohoo -- am all the way to Alexandria and Cairo now!  I can see the light at the end of the scrapbooking tunnel.  At least until I pull out the last 6 years of my life in photos and start scrapbooking where I left off -- the 2004 election.

Anyhoo, I have cleverly disposed of the leftover pizza and sausage by giving it to my dogs for breakfast.  Because while I was scrapbooking yesterday, I kind of forgot to go buy them more dog food.  Oops again.  But hey, they LOVED pizza and sausage for breakfast.  Notes to self:  (1) make sure doggies are outside A LOT today, and (2) buy more dog food this morning, so that doggie dinner is not sausage and you don't have to sleep with poodle-shaped gas bomb.

Tonight, I work out at the park -- my second official Meet-Up for strength training.  My a$$ hurt for 3 days after the last one, so should be good.

Saturday, February 6, 2010

I am Tracy, killer of all things scabies, including myths and wives tales.

Ah clean, freshly-baked sheets!  I have taken to baking my clothing and bedding after washing.  Because if 10 minutes at 130-40 F will kill these little buggers, then 40 minutes at 205 F won't do 'em any good.  And I don't want to leave their fate in the uncertain hands of the "hot" cycles of my washer and/or dryer.  There will also be another round of exfoliating every inch of their natural habitat (my skin) and then covering them with neem, tea tree, and lavender oils this morning.  I think they're almost done-for after 4 days of "treatment," but, like the sign says, "Beatings will continue until morale improves."

Obviously I don't want to take any chances.  But I'm also not going to vacuum the house twice daily or try to spray all the furniture and bag up everything that isn't nailed down for 10 days, like some people out here on the web recommend.  After many hours of reading up on my lee-tle friend the scabies mite, I have learned the following.  It cannot jump or fly and spends all of its time either inside tunnels in the skin, or crawling on the surface looking for a mate, after which the males die (as they should, with apologies to you guys out there) and the females go back into a burrow under the skin.  That's it.  The average "infestation" consists of only about 12 mites on the entire body.  They aren't running around on my clothes or leaping off of me onto my furniture and/or friends (or swan-diving into my soup, Jeri).  And if they are somehow dislodged from my skin, say when I peel off my jammies, they will only survive off of my body for 24 hours, or, if you believe some of the more conservative pundits, up to 72 hours.  If you leave them alone for a day or three, (or bake them in the oven) they're dead.  (So for those on the web who've complained about getting scabies from an infested sofa that you brought home, I suspect you had fleas or something, not scabies.)  They are usually transmitted by skin-to-skin contact long enough for them to crawl from one person to the other (and only an impregnated female will cause you any grief, since a lone male will just crawl around looking for a mate until he dies).  You are likely to get them if you LIVE with an infested person, but otherwise, unless you're wearing my dirty clothes, or sleeping in my bed, you aren't likely to get them.  You can also catch them if you give a frail elderly woman who's had undiagnosed scabies for several months a  weekly hand massage.  Lesson learned.

I've got to go wash the oils off my scalp, remove another layer of skin, apply more oils, and then go buy more neem, because I'm running low and God forbid I should run out and let the mite ba$tards win.  Oh, and I'm holding steady at about 112.  Yoga today, with a  good chance of a strength training Meet-up in the park in the forecast for Monday night

And no, I still haven't tried the Cardio Ballroom.  With all the bugs going on, I don't need any distractions, so it will have to wait for a while.

Thursday, February 4, 2010

Workin' the crazy bugs out.

Well, I am HAPPY to report that the neem oil has the little blood-suckers on the run.  I slept like a baby last night and was hardly itchy or crawly anywhere.  And this morning, after a neem and lavender oil scalp and hair treatment, I re-sprayed the whole house with a blend of water/alcohol/neem oil/lavender oil that actually smells great, and is completely non-toxic, so I can spray it on everything from the bed to the dogs.  (And it actually works -- neem oil is an organic pesticide, so I'll kick a little onto my tomato plants when I have the time.)  Aside from the ochre-colored bathtub ring left by my experiment with adding turmeric to the mix (that shit is YELLOW!), it's all good and the buggers are in a fast retreat from both my home and my temple.  What a relief that I was on the lookout for it -- you should read the stories of people infested with scabies for years.  Ugh.  I caught it early, I think it's being treated effectively, and I learned a lot -- this neem oil stuff is amazing -- even great for acne.

Where was I?  Oh yeah, the Insanity program.  I was browsing the shit-I-don't-really-need-to-watch guide and saw something called "Insanity."  Of course I looked.  It's an intense workout program that pushes your body past its limit for an hour a day for 60 days.  I like the photo at left (no, your other left, no, it's really above....shit -- the photo I just inserted), which I stole from their web site -- they look pretty insane, don't they?  (Getting better at this whole blogging thing!!!!)  Here's how they describe their workouts: "The secret to these mind-blowing results: MAX Interval Training. Shaun T took traditional interval training and flipped it on its head—you perform long bursts of maximum-intensity exercises with short periods of rest. Each workout keeps you constantly challenged as you alternate between aerobic and anaerobic intervals performed at your MAX. The results: burn up to 1,000 calories an hour and get the most insane body in only 60 days."  Yeah.

Well, needless to say, I think the program is aptly named and will not be getting an "insane" body any time soon.  But God bless anyone who's willing to go there.  Good for you.  I will be keeping my "sane" body and continuing with my Sanity program, which involves working out when I feel like it and sitting on the couch with a glass of red when I don't.  In case you need a good chuckle, here's the link to the Insanity workout website.  http://workoutjourney.com/insanity-workout-dvd

Go get 'em tigers.

Wednesday, February 3, 2010

Mitey suckage.

Well, it's always something, isn't it?  This morning I am blogging from my bathtub while soaking in tea tree, neem, and lavender oils.  For 20 minutes.  So I've got a mug of tea and my netbook.  Why, you ask?  Let's see if I can keep this short.

Mom is in full time care in a small group home.  Since last October or November, she has had a skin rash of some sort that the doctor could not identify at first.  But she had red spots and was itchy, etc.  Her hands got especially bad -- her skin between her fingers got kind of crusty, presumably with dead skin cells.  So, for the last 4 weeks, I've been massaging healing oils into her hands and wrists when I visit.

Well, it turns out that Mom's "rash" is actually a scabies infestation.  "What's scabies?" you ask?  Well, meet Mr. or Mrs. Scabies (courtesy of Wikipedia):  

Apparently these little suckers live on humans and burrow their way into the skin (I'm guessing they eat their way in, rather than tunneling doggie-style with their hair-like extremities), lay eggs, then the eggs hatch, the larvae tunnel back out of the skin, mate with each other, rinse, repeat.  (That's a rough approximation -- apparently the females live in the burrows and the males run around on your skin.  Interesting , no?)  The process takes about 21 days, so you don't know that you have them for like 2-6 weeks.  The crawling around and the burrowing makes your skin itch.  And crawl, of course.

And here's the fun part.  They particularly like hands and the webbing between fingers and are transmitted by human contact.  Say, a hand massage?

Anyhoo, I thought I'd escaped clean, but then Monday evening, my wrists got all bitey-itchy.  And I woke up at 3 am feeling, or at least imagining that I could feel, these little suckers crawling around on me.  And I'd already washed the bedding Monday night and loaded up with tea tree oil, so I was clearly going to have to get more serious with the little buggers.  So I lost a day of work yesterday researching how to treat them, running to 3-4 different places to buy stuff to de-bug myself, my bed, my dogs, and my house.  The mattress is now sealed up in vinyl, so no bugs in or out (I should have done that years ago for my dust mite allergy anyway), the sheets, blankets, throws, pillows, the mattress, the mattress pad, and the thermal topper and its casing, were all washed in hot water and/or Borax, and/or sprayed.  The dog was sprayed and washed (she was not really happy with that process), the house was sprayed, and I was covered in stinky tea tree and/or neem oils in between soaking and scrubbing in and with neem oil.  So here I sit this morning in more tea tree and neem oils about to get out and put on more of the same.  I thought the tea tree was bad with it's heavy medicinal smell.  But the neem oil is worse -- think peanuts with garlic.  And the lavender oil doesn't help that much.  So there will be some heavy perfume spraying for -- THE NEXT 8 DAYS.  Because you've got to do this for 10 days to make sure you get them all.  Like I said, it's always something.  But I did do some yoga yesterday (after the McDonald's cheeseburger and small fries -- only 500 calories, let's not panic), so it wasn't all bad.

And, because my misery loves lots of company, here is what YOU are all sleeping with every night:

Isn't he handsome?  Kind of makes my mites look cute and cuddly. The house dust mite (sometimes referred to by allergists as HDM), is a cosmopolitan guest in human habitation. Dust mites feed on organic detritus such as flakes of shed human skin and flourish in the stable environment of dwellings. House dust mites are a common cause of asthma and allergic symptoms worldwide. Some of the gut enzymes (notably proteases) produced by the house mite persist in their fecal matter, and can be strongly allergenic.
(Thank you again, Wikipedia.org.)

And please note that the American HDM is a completely different species from the European HDM, which prefers brie, espresso, and Italian scooters.

Tomorrow:  "Insanity," the work out.  Brought to you by the infommercial I saw this morning.








Monday, February 1, 2010

Pluggin' away....

So this post is just a plug for Fit TV.  Am I the only one who knows about this channel?  I love it.  Not only do they have HOURS and HOURS of FREE workout videos all day and night, but their cooking shows are awesome!  Why, oh why, when there are such great, FREE resources available on TV and on line, would anyone trying to lose weight/get in shape ignore it all?  Why would anyone pay for Nutrisystem meals when they can learn to make quick, easy, tasty meals for a lifetime of great socializing/dining?  Not only is it cheaper, it teaches you how to live healthy for the rest of your life, AND it gives you the tools to be a social God or Goddess.  Seriously, what's not to like?  I guess people continue to believe that there is some quick or magical fix for weight loss.  (And, if you've been reading my blog for the last few months, we know there is no such thing, don't we.)  My favorite Fit TV cooking shows?   A Lyon in the Kitchen, and Just Cook This, with Sam the Cooking Guy.  Yeah, the other ones are good too, but I just like all the food these guys make and it's usually pretty easy.  And it's soooo educational.  Did you know that 1cup of whipping cream has 800 calories?  That is INSANE.  But, don't panic, you can still have that alfredo if you substitute condensed milk, which has no fat and only 200 calories.  Good information to have, yes?  Yes.  And Sam the cooking guy just made NO FAT chips for guac or salsa using wonton wrappers.  Get out of town.  Wonton wrappers?  I'm gonna have to try this.  And, just for YOU, my two loyal readers (yes, my sister and Ena -- ooh, I think I'm up to 3 with Aunt Judy), a link to Just Cook This and Sam's wonton chip instructions,  Oops -- he didn't even give a recipe for the chips and his website is Discovery Health, rather than Fit TV.  ANYway, cut the wonton wrappers in half diagonally (so they are chip shaped) and then bake on a cookie sheet (no oil or anything) at 350 until they look crispy.  Here's the link to his guac recipe, which is probably more important than the chip recipe.  http://health.discovery.com/fansites/sam-zien/recipes/guacamole.html   Pretty cool, eh?  Go forth and educate thyself.