Because why start working now?

I've had a tough morning, what with a drug store run and backyard poop patrol and then getting the low down on the upcoming yard-destroying trenching to upgrade my gas line.  And it's freakin' 12:30 already and I've gotten like NO work done yet.  And I'm quitting at 4 to roller blade.  Sh!t.  

So I thought I'd have the other half of my deliciously-festive white and green smoothie (I've come a long way since the days of the brown smoothie) and update the blog.  The good news is that I'm holding steady at like 112 or 113 pounds.  I'd like to be maybe 107 or 108, but I'm working on it   Slowly.  (I've also come a long way from the days when I thought I could lose 10 pounds in one week!)  I gotta say, I feel a lot better in my pants now, which is something I probably shouldn't say in public, but you know what I mean.  I'm FEELING skinnier, and that's most of the battle.  I still need to lose a bit of fat and build muscle, but that's an ongoing lifelong deal (rrrrrrrrrrrrr, suck, suck, suck).  So should I try to get in INSANE shape?  Or crazy sexy shape?  Or maybe just...Look Good Naked?!!  

Yes, I finally caught the Look Good Naked infommercial yesterday.  And it turned out to be an ad for the Wave Speed Slimming System (I'd throw in the link, but I'm sure their ad will pop up on my blog within a day or two).  The Wave, is a curved version of the 90s step (do they still do step aerobics?) that you can flip upside down and rock back and forth to work abs, do cardio, etc.  See -- that could be me, rockin' the wave.  Hmmm.  I thought about it, yes I did.  And then I remembered all the workout equipment I've had over the years and how much I used it.  Let's reflect, shall we?  Let's see.  There was, way back, an actual giant plastic step that collected a lot of dust and fur under the bed.  I've had at least two mini-steppers, one rock-and-roll stepper, a stationery bike, a treadmill, a glider (very fun, look it up), the Total Gym, my Weider Flex-gym 2000 (I actually used that thing and really loved it, but it got replaced with a toile chaise lounge -- hey, I've got priorities), and, let's see, I still have a weight bar and plastic steps that go with my Firm (which also makes the Wave) workout videos.  And they've ALL gotten the boot, well, except for the plastic steps, 'cuz they're kind of a plant stand right now, and I do that workout about once a year.  So I PROBABLY don't need another giant plastic thing that will sit around in one room or another, possibly several different rooms, and then ultimately get Craig'slisted or donated.  So I DIDN'T order it.  Yes!  Seventy bucks IN my pocket.

But.  When Look Good Naked ended, the P90X ("Bring it!") infommercial came on.  Uh oh.  Now, you may recall that I was already tempted by P90X in my hotel room in Vail.  Because I can get RIPPED in 90 days.  And whether I get ripped or not, I like that it doesn't involve a giant piece of plastic that I can only use with their workout video and which will sit around my house for months before I admit I don't use it.  And it's got like TEN or maybe even FOURTEEN (who can remember?) different work outs on it.  You can just do abs, or specific body parts, or whatever.  Plus, see that chick on the bottom?  Apparently P90X makes you blond too.  I could save tons at the salon.

And you KNOW I've purchased at least a dozen different workout videos in the last six months and probably spent more than $140 on all that stuff that I don't use (I might not have even tried some yet -- oops, can you say Cardio Ballroom?).  So why not?  What's $140?  I wasted $96 on frickin' Avesil, because I don't have the energy to fight the scamming ba$stards.  So I've got P90X in my cart and I think some photos are in order before I sign off.

Crap, I forgot I put the Fein MultiMaster in my cart too.  (That ad came on after P90X.)  What can I say, I'm susceptible.  Ask me about the Ronco Dehydrator, the Jack LaLane juicer, the __? pasta maker (I don't recall who sold me that one), or the Magic Bullet.  All great products.  Really.  But the ONE thing I will NEVER buy, no matter HOW many commercials I am forced to see....................................................the freakin' Snuggie.   You couldn't sell me one if you threw in a lifetime supply of Reeses' Peanut Butter Cups and Kraft BB Mac and Cheese.  Okay, maybe if you threw in both of those.  But I'd have to burn the Snuggie.  They make BLANKETS people -- throw one on.  Or better yet, just keep wearing the PJs and slippers that you've been wearing to my Safeway.  Yeah, you.  But please, no Snuggies -- Baby Jesus, make my 5-mile radius a Snuggie-free zone.