Monday morning post-Turkey Day: 119.2 OUCH. I'm back to ground frickin' zero. All that work -- diet, exercise, bitching -- and one stinkin' holiday and a week of not working out and I'm back to about where I was when I started. Damn you turkey and potatoes and delicious stuffing. And Pringles. And pumpkin pie. I like pumpkin pie. Gonna Google an appetite suppressant. And bulimia. Is it too late after 4 days?
Gotta give y'all a mental picture of my trip through the Bible Belt of western Kansas. Why didn't I get the camera out? Then you could have seen for yourself the many wonders of giant billboards warning: "Find Jesus now. Or regret it FOREVER!" in 6-foot tall letters and I'm not kidding with the italics. Someone there feels very sorry for me, because I will CERTAINLY spend my afterlife burning in Hell. I feel sorry for me, because I'm spending my duringlife drinking spinach and edamame and trying to work out unsuccessfully and feeling guilty about it. So basically, I'm already IN Hell. Plus, don't tell Kansas, but I always kind of felt like Hell couldn't be much worse. Maybe that's why they're promoting it -- makes Kansas seem lots more pleasant? Ah, now I've offended my many Kansas friends (like two of you). Believe me, it's not the state itself, which is quite lovely (amber waves of grain and flint hills and all that). No, it's the whole "How dare they teach our kids that Eee-voh-Looo-shun stuff. Everyone knows that GOD created the universe in 6 days." (I think it was 6 days -- I'm obviously not really good with the Bible info, but I seem to remember he rested on the 7th, conveniently Sunday, so we can all go to church). Anyway, I'm sorry Kansas, but I'm glad to be back in Arizona where they are still a bit crazier and more conservative than I'd like (look up the NutJob preacher from Tempe that prays for Obama to die of brain cancer), but at least we get the difference between science and religion for purposes of public schooling.
This morning I was in the 117 range, after a night of turkey casserole and lots of wine (thanks Ena) to go with a post-holiday girls' movie night. But today, as Ena has pointed out, is a good time to start over. (It's like Scarlet O'hara said: "Tomorrow IS another day.") So I've got a clump of dirt in my clenched fist, the sun at my back and I'm renewing my diet/exercise vows: "As Dog is my witness, I WILL be good until Christmas," when I expect to be at least transparent, having given up on total invisibility.
P.S. What happened to my fish? Did no one feed them while I was gone?
I got on the scale and was at 119.8 - there is that ".8" thing! I cannot believe it! (In a good way - I mean I DO have a couple of inches on you.) What shocked me about it the most is that after you and Mary took off, I had ANOTHER HELPING of turkey casserole AND a piece and a half of apple pie that I found lingering in the back of the fridge AND four MORE chocolate candies! What's WITH that?! Eat nothing the scale doesn't budge, inhale nearly the entire contents of my fridge and lose a pound or two? It makes no SENSE!
ReplyDeleteNow, we're off on the FIRST glorious day of December! Recommitting our efforts. Whoot whoot!
New theory: eating a lot makes your body work faster to get rid of it? At least your metabolism isn't shutting down and storing fat in response to near-starvation. So maybe just half a can of Pringles per day?
ReplyDeleteYou have fish??
ReplyDeleteHave had fish on my blog for like a month now, but I leave town for one week and the fish disappear.
ReplyDelete