So Far So Fat: losing 10 lbs of mid-life squidge

Sigh. Didn't make the original date for invisibility. Or the second deadline. Extension to 12th of Never in effect.

Saturday, June 25, 2011

First attempt to phone blog.

Camping update: turns out pocket knives ARE handy for camping...you can cut down your champagne cork and make it fit back in th

Posted by tag at 1:30 PM

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Me and my squidge

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About Me

tag: Middle-aged sarcastic single lady (wonder why) with midwestern roots, two dogs, almost one cat, crappy gardening skills, allergies up the wazoo, slight OCD, Silver Medalist amateur scrap-booking championship Czeh Republic 2003, and lingering unrealistic desire to write The Great American (crap romance) Novel. Plus, I TOTALLY invented the brown smoothie, or BS.

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"comfortable" is a four-letter word "shedding" the pounds a lifetime of suckiness to harsh my mellow a moment of silence for my poor dead vegetables AAADDRRIIIIAAAANN accidentally almost meeting my goal aging sucks rocks all things cheesy and good appetite control pills -- take one with lots of chocolate at least I didn't have to put on the long green gloves - or the golden cuffs that stop bullets Atlanta b^tches get squashed Baby got back fat basically the worst parts of the Bible (Armaggedon) because it's okay if they're on sale bedazzled and beefy bombs away Baby boogie shoes might be the way to go Boot Camp Babe comin' up boring flaccid me Bottom's UP break my ass brie and bacon diet Bringin' it down to the glutes Bringing It has been delayed Bringing it right to the Zumba bringing not-sexy back Bug diet - order now. buh-bye nasty Laura bulge battle waning Bull stuff but if I lived here year round I'd be crazy skinny Can someone please remember to bury me in these? can you spell w-i-n-e? cave monkey sleepover at my house cirque du non soleil cleaning out the fridge and my colon cleanse Cody photos colon cleansing coming soon: streaming video complete with swearing? Costco: my source for all things TP and cheesey. Plus spuds. could there be a suckier boot camp in my future? stay tuned. crazy bitch in a rut damn Pam Dance doggie dance de nada desert bombers diet diet hell dieting sucks rocks digital scales suck rocks diing dog versus door = eating my lead don't blame the lemons don't let the bed bugs bite Don't piss me off -- it's Christmas. driven to drink...V8 Ena + plastic gator = love exercise F'n camping. fat feelin' light and flabby frickin skin Frickin' fat from boot camp to snuggie town future diabetics of America -- don't get up Get your Squidge-Be-Gone here getting well enough to get my ass into shape -- there's always somethin' God bless Capitalism goin' buggy gotta go pick up last week's scrip gotta go pose gotta go stop crazy security poodle -- I made a noise and she went insane green with something and it ain't envy happy 1st of July hard to complain when it's all free health highway to Hell Hmm hmm - third career in doggie salmon-rice cakes? Holy destroyer of all beauty sleep holy fruity jog blog how about some hard boiled eggs? How did I miss the GS revolution? how the mites have fallen - or not I got this I totally want to come back as one of my pets. I'll never work out again if I have to get organized first I'm a little scared for Al Sharpton I'ma be fat I'ma farmin' fool I'ma turn menofat to menofit if I connect the dots on my rash can I map out a plan for diet and exercise if tomorrow is always another day can't I start my diet then? It's a dirty job.... it's the new Camping Tracy complete with tent and porta-potty just grrrrrrrr Kashi sucks keeping my sanity kiss my abs baby Lady of the Flies. lipo looks like Hell's in NO danger of freezing over looney about my loo Lovin' my 'neighblers Madonna never had to go to boot camp mainlining Amazon and lipids mama needs more shoes mid-life mmm -- chocolate cookie good mmm -- tasty toes More bull stuff complete with photos. mucho chunky muffin top music makes it all good my ass naked = serious motivation never enough time but the screen door looks great no time for skinny or fat or anything else NOT blending with my broke-ass lid Not eating desert much but always first. nothing says I'm campin' like beans nothing's fun forever now not playing: the middle aged chick in the plastic bubble Oldy's into the sweats OMG -- what if Snuggie ad appears? one pill makes you smaller open vino with your chaussure party apples and peanut butter partying makes you skinny please Popeye Popeye would be proud pudgy plastered patriot ranch dressing reality can bite me Red red wine=fat reluctantly going forth into the cold cold world repent now and avoid a sugary death road binge rockin' Pajama Jeans on the eliptical run fat boy run = another motivational movie same shit different day Sayonara Cellulite scales scrapbooking scrapbooking hell seventh circle should I send Jackie a Thank You Snuggie? ski hills and overpriced T-shirts coming soon to Phoenix skinny for Jesus skinny French girls suck slow and soy wins the race so full of smoothie my eyes are green so little time so much screwing around sooty satisfaction under pressure Space Balls: a cinematic masterpiece. spinach sucks start the tentervention start your new career in mucus mfg -- call now sucky sub-q squidge super bowls of pizza and sausage synchronized roller blading? the cheese -- eet eez so French the early bird gets up WAY before I do the fat roller coaster is at the top -- raise your arms and get ready to scream the tiny ship was tossed -- if not for the courage of the fearless crew.... The Tourist -- a tour de force-myself-to-throw-up the worm has turned and it's eating veggies then I'ma be skinny there's a military coup in the boot camp works there's a reason they call it stuffing things that make you go hmmmm too bad I'm not willing to live someplace with snow tots always win tots versus spinach Tracy Bunion -- Paul's crazy cousin twist and shout twisting my way to abs of middle-aged steel umbrella-buster of a storm under insufficient pressure Use the ouchless vegan with meat does a body good veggies suck we are God's children we have bungees. weight loss weight loss for losers welcome to Alcohol Abstinence what's my motivation? Whew -- almost had to buy old lady jeans white bull who's a skinny bitch now bitches? why aren't squirrels fat? The all-acorn diet? wild gassy kingdom wish I still had the cool zipper sweater and the knickers to wear in the bubble umbrella women women's health working on filling some big pants Zip-a-dee-ay -- best original song 1947 Zumba zumba zum -- in case I can't Bring It zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

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