"Boy, you can really taste the kale!"

Yes, that's a quote from the Veggie Boy episode of Cheers.

Sounds stupid, but I really LIKE kale chips.  Some people are going, "Kale?"  Thick, leafy, green scariness from the produce isle.  It's kind of like spinach, but it holds up better in soups.  Kale is the most fun, and one of the only really healthy snacks I've found yet.  (But then, I haven't exactly been looking for leafy green snacks -- I hate lettuce.  And Popeye don't make no spinach chips.)   Cody gave me a recipe for a soup with cannellini beans, sausage and kale that is to DIE for even without the parmesan cheese rind that I can't put in it now that I know I'm allergic to dairy.  But kale chips are awesome.  And I'ma tell you how to make them.

The skinny:

Clean, de-spine and chop kale.

Grind 1-1.5 C cashews in blender or processor (all my measurements are "rough," at best)

Add to cashews:  2 T nutritional yeast, 1 t salt, juice of 1 lemon, and water or pureed red bell pepper as needed to make it like a thick dressing.

Dress kale and dry in dehydrator or oven at low temp until light and crispy.

Watching kale dry.

 The juicy and unnecessary details:

You are going to dress the kale (like a salad) with ground cashews (get a giant tub at Costco, because they can be pricey), lemon juice, nutritional yeast, and a bit of water or pureed red bell pepper and salt.  Sounds weird, but the result is a dairy-free, gluten-free, vegan kale chip that tastes like it is made with parmesan cheese. I could give you a more precise recipe, but I think you need to adjust the ingredients to your own taste, so this is just a rough guide to your own private Fun with Kale.

You need kale.  Get a bunch or two -- start with one if you're not used to it.  (It can be a lot of work and a HUGE pile of kale to do two bunches, but sometimes a "bunch" is small -- depends on what kind of produce you're dealing with.)  Rinse, shake dry, and de-spine (stem?) the leaves (they have a thick stem that you need to get rid of, or at least that's what everyone does).  Rip or cut leaves into pieces that are about two by two inches -- bigger or smaller won't kill anyone and you'll figure out what you like after you make them once or twice.

Grind up maybe a cup and a half of cashews in your blender BEFORE adding any liquid.  Otherwise, you will wind up with a Jiffy/Skippy nutty mess of large and small cashew bits that you cannot get out of your blender.  You can do the rest in or out of the blender -- your choice, but I like to just put it in a bowl and stir from this point, because until you get enough water in the mix, your blender won't do much but piss you off.  Add about 1-2 tablespoons of nutritional yeast flakes (check around, I bet even Safeway has this stuff, and if you need some, I have a lifetime supply, because I ordered a GIANT container that looked really small in the picture on Amazon) and throw in maybe a teaspoon of salt (I'm not really good with measurements -- I usually just throw in pinches until it tastes right).  Add the juice of a lemon to your dry stuff.  Then stir it all up with as much water or pureed red bell pepper (the bell pepper came from a recipe I have, but I don't find it to be necessary and it's kind of a pain and it makes the mix freaky Cheetos orangey) as you need to make this the consistency of thick salad dressing, so that it will stick to the leaves, but also spread.  I used maybe 1/8 cup of water tonight -- just add a little at a time.  Toss the kale in the dressing until you get it on all the kale pieces.

That's it.  Spread the coated kale pieces on the trays of a dehydrator (or a cookie sheet or two, if you're using your oven) and dry it at a low temperature over night.  Don't cook it.  Dry it.  If you get the temperature too high, it will taste funky/burned.  It needs to be done at the lowest temperature you can manage (170F or less) until the leaves are completely dry and crisp.  Not heavy and droopy and almost dry.  Completely dry.  They should be light and airy and crunchy.  CRUNCHY.

Enjoy your crispy delicious kale chips.  I usually eat the whole batch in a day or two solo.  And if you want to be the talk of your next party?   Yes, I said kale chips.  Only problem I have is sharing -- they don't usually make it to any party.

Hail the kale.  Nutty green goodness.

Now, you can BUY these at lots of places.  My farmer's market sells them for 8 BUCKS for a little tiny brown bag (which is where I met my first kale chips), and Fresh & Easy has an even tinier bag for $5something.  So if you're made of cash, just buy some.  If not....  I gotta admit, that the cashews are pricey, so your own chips ain't cheap, but YOUR kale chips won't be all broken, and they come with a big ol' bunch of satisfaction.  Your call.  But these are pretty cool.

P.S.  I'm loving my Amazon ads on the blog -- they think I'm a survivalist or hunter!  Yeah, that's so me.